by Etienne Telling
For the first time in six months, Fenglin and Haoyun are in the same place for more than twenty-four hours. More than just being in the same fucking place, they have no professional obligations. Their phones are off, tucked away in Fenglin’s living room, out of sight and out of mind. No one expects to hear from them: not their parents, not their studios, not their assistants. No one.
Haoyun’s on his sofa right now, one of Fenglin’s dogs sound asleep in his lap. He looks for all the world as if he belongs there. He does, in Fenglin’s mind, belong there. Forever. But he’ll settle for four perfect nights together in Fenglin’s Beijing apartment before Haoyun has to head to Hengdian to film his new drama. It’s not enough—it’s never enough—but they’ll overlap in two months, and it will be easy enough to steal time with one another.
It’s better not to dwell on that, the future stolen nights in each other’s hotel rooms. Not when they have four nights to themselves, now. Not when they finally have enough time to keep exploring the… not weird, Fenglin would never call Haoyun’s desires weird. First, he wouldn’t insult Haoyun like that, and secondly, it’s not like Fenglin isn’t into some pretty weird things himself. In theory.
Most of what they want exists in theory because they haven’t had time to explore. Fenglin’s prepared this time, though, to take full advantage of the time they do have. He has props, which he’s almost certain Haoyun is just as horny for as he is for sex. Roleplaying isn’t Fenglin’s first instinct when it comes to sex, not when he spends so much time as someone else already. Sometimes, it’s a relief to feel his own feelings, and not the role he’s playing.
It’s different for Haoyun he knows. Haoyun gets so caught up in his own head and his own body, Fenglin is happy to give him room to step outside of that tangle and just exist as something else, someone else for a while. More than just happy—it’s a pleasure to be someone safe for Haoyun.
Fenglin doesn’t need to understand the appeal of what they do to Haoyun to find his own enjoyment in their games. He hums to himself as he turns to put the last of their dinner leftovers into the fridge. No more dwelling on what they don’t have time to do, only thinking about what he plans to do.
“You’ve got that look on your face, Linlin,” Haoyun says as he watches Fenglin put away the remains of their supper. “The one that means you’re planning something. You look particularly focused, and I doubt it’s because you’re making room in the fridge.”
Among other preparations, Fenglin made sure they had enough food in the house that they wouldn’t need to leave the house to do more than pick up takeout. For discretion’s sake, leaving the house would be a solo task, and he doesn’t want to cut into any of his time with Haoyun.
Fenglin purses his lips and turns to give his boyfriend a once-over. “No, I’m not thinking about playing refrigerator Tetris and am entirely focused on you.” He pauses, flashing a sly smile at Haoyun. “I have many things planned for you. Are you that eager to get started? Was taking the edge off not enough?”
Once they got settled and Haoyun washed the travel off his skin, the first thing they did was make out furiously on the sofa and rut against one another until they came, and Haoyun had to take a second shower.
Haoyun just watches him for a moment and then gently takes the sleeping dog off his lap and sets her on the floor—a crime if Fenglin wasn’t so interested in getting his hands on Haoyun again, and soon.
“Tease.” Haoyun licks his lips, counting the tease by shifting on the couch as if to display himself for Fenglin to admire. “Just for me? Nothing for yourself?”
“Very much for both of us.” Fenglin drinks in the sight of Haoyun’s long legs, the peak of a treasure trail where his shirt rides up. He wants to go over there and push his shirt up higher and leave him covered in bite marks. “Fuck, you’ve bulked up some since we were last together.”
Haoyun was too thin the last time they had enough time to be naked with one another. Fenglin worries, but there’s a flush to Haoyun’s skin instead of pallor. He looks good.
Fenglin decides that, yes, he can go push up Haoyun’s shirt. To investigate his health, of course. He dries his hands off on a towel and stalks toward Haoyun, making no move to hide his intent. Haoyun, in return, shifts on the sofa, making room for Fenglin between his legs. The far too big height difference between them vanishes as he drapes himself over Haoyun’s chest.
“I missed you, gege,” he says, cutting off any chance of a reply as he kisses Haoyun on the lips. Fenglin rests his hands at Haoyun’s hips, sliding them up, hiking his shirt up as he does. Not too thin. Good.
“Which one of us is over-eager, again, Linlin?” Haoyun asks, a little breathless as the kiss breaks.
Fenglin snorts and leans back down to nip at Haoyun’s lower lip, then traces his tongue along his stupid, perfectly defined cupid’s bow, coaxing his mouth open so he can kiss him again, harder this time. He thinks it’s enough of an answer regarding how eager he is. This is not the furious make-out of earlier. It’s slow and deliberate. A build-up rather than the main attraction.
“I told you that I had plans,” Fenglin murmurs into the kiss as his nails scrape up Haoyun’s sides, biting in just hard enough to make him shudder. Somewhat reluctantly, Fenglin sits up and settles himself, so he’s straddling Haoyun’s thighs. “I bought a few more things for my pony.”
Haoyun’s eyes go wide as he stares up at Fenglin, caught like a deer in the headlights.
It’s incredible that it even came up, back when they met, in the middle of filming. That Haoyun trusted him enough to get through some of his shyness to admit his fantasies. But then, sheer exhaustion, mixed with the intimacy of their roles toward each other bleeding out to their real non-acted relationship—it makes a strange sort of sense how quickly they trusted one another.
They don’t talk about this much. Neither one of them want to put it in writing, and even when they’re on the phone, they don’t always have the privacy to really dig into the meat of their desires. They don’t really have the language for it, either.
It’s easier for Fenglin, who knows he likes to be held down and fucked hard. He’s a masochist, maybe a little submissive, but mostly a masochist. Even before he understood what sex was, Fenglin has always been interested in pushing the boundaries of what his body could do, from dancing to acting. Sex is no different.
What Haoyun wants is so much more abstract. He doesn’t want to be pushed, he wants to get out of his own head, to relax—to play.
Fenglin is growing more and more comfortable with it, and so, here, now, with time and space, they’re going to play. They’ve only skirted around the edges of this. Fenglin made Haoyun tell him what he wanted to pretend while jacking him off. Then the soft brush they’d bought together for a grooming session.
“I thought you might like that, Yun-ge.” Fenglin strokes a knuckle down the line of Haoyun’s jaw. “I’ve got a few things for you that I think you’ll really like.”
“Fenglin—” Haoyun cuts himself off before he even starts, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you. Where did you come from?”
“Hainan,” he says with a grin and a gentle flick to Haoyun’s nose. “Give me ten minutes in the bedroom and join me? If you feel like playing pony tonight, Yun-ge.” Haoyun’s cheeks are flushed, but he nods, seemingly unable to speak his agreement. “Ten minutes, knock when you’re ready to come in.” Haoyun just nods again, and Fenglin kisses him one last time before getting off him and the couch.
Fenglin’s ready for this, the new purchases tucked inside a small packing square. A weird collection, but nothing too strange for someone who travels with pets: a soft brush, a collection of things that look like leashes and harnesses. The strangest thing is the bit gag, but with everything else in the bag, it would just look like a chew toy or a tangle of harnesses.
There’s lube and condoms, too. Those have been discreetly placed on his bedside table, just in case things turned to sex later in the night. As for everything else, Fenglin lays the items out on the bed and slips the bit gag into his pocket. He wants everything else to be a surprise.
He fusses over things for a few moments, takes the time to just let himself be nervous until Haoyun knocks on the door, and he jumps out of his skin. A few deep breaths, and he settles into the role he’s playing tonight and opens the door.
“Yun-ge,” Fenglin says with a smile, taking Haoyun’s hand and pulling him into his bedroom. The change of address signals the gentle shift into not a scene to scene. Haoyun is a person with a job, responsibilities, issues that weigh on his shoulders. Yun-ge is a pony, a creature that still has a will of his own but needs not make decisions, not do anything but what he’s told. Yun-ge is a sign that Haoyun can just exist with Fenglin. Pony or not, it’s become a signal that he can let go.
Fenglin reaches up and lays a finger over his lips. “Shh, no. Not unless you really need to say something. Ponies don’t talk, do they?”
Haoyun shudders first, but a laugh follows shortly after, then a nod of agreement.
“Good boy,” Fenglin praises.
He leads Yun-ge into the middle of the open space in his bedroom and starts to strip him. He’d like to do this without Haoyun’s help, but the height difference doesn’t help. Haoyun has to pull his shirt up over his head, but Fenglin takes care of the rest. Then, he runs his hands approvingly down his chest and abs, back up, and then reaches up to cup his cheek in his hand, fingers stroking over his cheekbones.
“Such a pretty boy,” he murmurs. It’s not a huge stretch for him to play a handler to a pony. It’s easy enough to lavish praise on Haoyun for how handsome he is, how smart, clever, and yes, obedient when they’re like this. “It’s been so long since we’ve been together. Are you going to be a good boy and let me take care of you?”
Yun-ge makes a soft sound in the back of his throat, something akin to a horse’s nicker, but not quite there yet, either. It’s cute, the way he edges into things. Fenglin gives his hip a squeeze.
“Good boy,” he repeats. “Let me take care of you.”
Fenglin neatly sets his clothes aside on the top of the dresser before returning to stand before Yun-ge.
“I have a present for you.” This is like the easy one-way conversation he keeps up with his dogs. Just like those, it doesn’t feel silly. Its loving and fills Fenglin with a profound sense of affection. Besides, Yun-ge can understand every word he’s saying, not just the ones related to food and walks.
Fenglin doesn’t let Haoyun see the bit in his pocket when he takes hold of his face and pulls his head down. It makes Haoyun stoop awkwardly, and Fenglin quickly slides his thumb into Haoyun’s mouth, behind his front teeth, to draw his lips apart. Fenglin had read a guide on this and watched several videos to make sure he was mimicking the motions correctly because he might be a bit of a perfectionist. Verisimilitude was an essential part of roleplay, after all.
He has to shush the startled sound Haoyun makes as he brings the silicone gag up, placing it between parted lips. This, he knows, is not quite right but the height difference and Yun-ge not being a literal horse makes it difficult to do everything precisely. He thinks Haoyun will forgive him.
The bit is smooth silicone; he places it gently in Yun-ge’s mouth and deftly buckles the fake leather strap to hold it in place. Yun-ge’s eyes go wide before he’s even done; his nose flares as he draws in a sharp breath. He doesn’t straighten up when Fenglin lowers his hands.
Fenglin, of course, is familiar with the pleasure of sinking into his body with physical sensation: pain, a good fucking, an exceptionally well-choreographed fight scene. Haoyun, however—he’s in his head a great deal, and honestly, Fenglin doesn’t think he’s often deliberately inhabiting his body as himself. Characters, the role he puts on to model, but not himself. There are too many hidden insecurities wrapped up inside of him to easily sink into his own skin.
Haoyun is fully inhabiting himself now.
“Easy, Yun-ge,” Fenglin whispers as he strokes his hands down his sides. “Easy, it’s okay,” he continues, speaking just like he’d heard people talk to spooked horses. Just like he knows people can speak to a spooked submissive.
The role Fenglin is in now wasn’t hard to step into, but it’s terrifying now. It’s so new, and quite suddenly, with Yun-ge’s anxiety, he can see so many things that could go wrong. But he keeps his voice calm as he continues talking to Yun-ge, nonsense, mostly. Not much different from how he calms his dogs, only with significantly higher stakes.
“You’re doing such a good job. Look at you,” Fenglin says with a smile as he keeps petting Yun-ge, hands wandering to his flanks, long, slow pets, not meant to arouse but soothe. He doesn’t want to scare Yun-ge. No, he wants to make sure he’s giving his lover precisely what he’s asked for, not to drag him in over his head.
Fenglin strokes his hands down Yun-ge’s flanks, and finally, he straightens up. Breathing heavily now, but no longer half stooped and frozen.
Trusting in himself that he’s not about to make a colossal mistake, Fenglin takes out what is essentially a dog leash he’s modified himself to have clips at both ends. The soft sound of it opening and closing around the right side of the bit makes Yun-ge shudder and then moan around the gag when Fenglin repeats it on the left side to create makeshift reins.
“Is it comfortable?” He asks, tipping his head back to catalog every single reaction on Yun-ge’s face.
Face flushed, Yun-ge neighs, just a hesitant little sound. Fenglin smiles, dimples flashing deep, delighted that he hadn’t just fucked up everything.
Yun-ge makes a louder whinnying sound. The rush of pleasure down Fenglin’s spine takes him by surprise. It feels good; it feels purposeful to make Yun-ge’s eyes light up, to see him break past his initial nerves and play. It feels good to see him sink into his own body and relax.
It’s not weird at all. This had felt weird at first, a bit like a silly game, but it’s morphed into something different. A game, yes, but not silly. Not when it anchors Yun-ge so firmly into his skin.
“What a handsome boy,” he praises Yun-ge, reaching up to run a finger along the edge of Yun-ge’s ear to make him shudder in pleasure. “My handsome boy.”
The sound now is somewhere between human and animal, a soft nicker turning into a moan as Fenglin keeps stroking his fingers downward, over Yun-ge’s throat and shoulders. The gentle caresses turn into firmer strokes until Yun-ge is leaning into him. Fenglin braces himself rather than stop Yun-ge from leaning. The heat of Yun-ge feels good against him, the weight of his body, and the pressure.
“I bet you want your brush, a nice long once-over.” Yun-ge’s fresh out of a long photo shoot, and those can be more stressful than filming. It’s such a specific type of scrutiny, one that causes him to get itchy at the end of the day. He knows it brings up a lot more for Haoyun. The brush was their first attempt at pony play and is still one of the most effective ways to get Yun-ge relaxed and floating on sensation.
Fenglin wants to stretch this out as long as he can for him. All evening, if possible, although he’s not sure how achievable that is in such a small room, with a brush and a makeshift rein.
Yun-ge makes another almost animal sound, a little louder, and Fenglin laughs. Before he forces himself away from the heat of Yun-ge’s body, he leans up and presses a soft kiss to Yun-ge’s jaw, nuzzling into him for a moment before going to pick up the brush up off his bed.
Yun-ge’s visibly excited. Almost shaking, Fenglin smiles to himself. The brush is a soft wave hairbrush, not meant for horses, but close enough to the kind of thing one would use on a real horse.
Could he get a real horse brush? The idea of trying to discreetly gather equipment for this kind of thing is an exciting puzzle. He supposes Haoyun buying one wouldn’t be so strange since he does ride; and that way, Haoyun could pick out something he’d be sure to enjoy.
Fenglin shakes his head and takes the brush back to Yun-ge, making sure he sees it before bringing it up and starting at his shoulders. He keeps the brush lightly on skin, downward strokes only. He begins at the shoulders and moves down his back in steady strokes. He did this to his own arms once, after Yun-ge fell asleep. It felt nice, but Fenglin doesn’t completely understand how he sinks into the brushing.
He doesn’t need to. Haoyun doesn’t always understand the way Fenglin wants to have marks bitten into his skin, but he does it anyway. Love, he’s learned, makes you stretch yourself in unexpected ways.
It finds him on his knees, running a soft brush down Yun-ge’s flanks. He leans over and presses a gentle kiss to Yun-ge’s hip, an indulgence for himself, and slips back into his easy chatter.
“Ah, you’re such a pretty boy, aren’t you? These beautiful long legs.” Fenglin sets the brush aside to use his hands, admiring Yun-ge’s calf muscles. “I’m sorry, I don’t have anywhere you can run; I’d like to see that.” It’s not just talking; he would, he realizes, like to see Yun-ge running while mostly naked.
Yun-ge agrees by the soft choked sound he makes, his body twitching under Fenglin’s fingers.
He can’t give it to Yun-ge, but he has a good imagination and a way with words. And he’s watched enough videos about actual horses that he thinks he can fake it well enough.
Fenglin picks the brush back up and stands, moving to stand in front of Yun-ge. He pauses as he tilts his head to the side, looking at Yun-ge’s face. His eyes are closed, his face relaxed and soft. Fenglin darts over to his dresser and picks up a small handtowel off it, coming around to wipe at Yun-ge’s mouth again.
Yun-ge opens his eyes, blinks slowly. Fenglin was about to ask if the bit was bothering him, but the look in Yun-ge’s eyes is so far away that he doesn’t need to ask. Fenglin isn’t sure anything would bother him.
A small part of him is jealous. They’ve tried a lot of things in bed, but nothing that made Fenglin feel like Yun-ge looks now. He resolves to ask for more, to help walk Haoyun through some of the rougher things he’d like to try. He sticks a pin in that thought, though, because he doesn’t want to lose what’s happening now.
“Would you like that, running for me? We could practice lunges. You’d look so lovely on a lead line for me,” Fenglin says and finds that he genuinely means it. When Yun-ge makes a muffled half-neighing sound, he keeps talking but brings the brush up as he does.
He weaves a careful story, an indoor arena, and jumps and play. Fenglin keeps brushing him. Long, slow strokes down over Yun-ge’s chest, noting the gooseflesh that breaks out in the wake of the brush as it crosses over his nipples.
“Real tack, too. A pretty leather halter for you to wear.” This earns him another sound, and Fenglin grins at him. “Mm-hm. Vain creature, aren’t you?” He asks like he’s not also just as interested in looking his best.
Fenglin can’t help but notice that Yun-ge’s grown hard. From the brush, from their pretending, from what Fenglin is saying, he doesn’t know. For now, he ignores it, kneeling back down and brushing down the front of his thighs like Yun-ge’s erection isn’t in his face. Like he doesn’t want to get it in his mouth—or other, more interesting places.
Yun-ge’s thighs are shaking, just a faint tremor, and a horrible idea crosses Fenglin’s mind. Wonderful? It’s a little hard to tell.
“It’s a pity I can’t ride you,” Fenglin says as he looks up through his eyelashes at Yun-ge. Yun-ge’s nose flares and his breath comes heavier, and Fenglin smiles even wider. “Or maybe I can,” he says, a thoughtful tilt to his head. He keeps stroking the brush over Yun-ge’s thighs, down to his calves. Fenglin doesn’t need to come on hard or heavy; Yun-ge is his. He’s already here, already aroused. He lays it on thick anyway.
Fenglin lowers his eyes to Yun-ge’s erection, licks his lips slowly. “Would you like that, I wonder?” He should feel silly. He should feel absurd. Instead, Fenglin only wants to coax Yun-ge into his bed and ride him until neither one of them can breathe. But only if it’s what Yun-ge wants. If it’s a line too far to cross—
Yun-ge never talks when they do this, so the sound he makes behind the bit gag isn’t yes, but it might as well be. Fenglin pushes to his feet and puts the brush away. He knows this isn’t how reins work, but he reaches out to grab the makeshift reins and pulls Yun-ge toward him, so they bump into one another.
Fenglin loses his composure for a moment as Yun-ge’s cock presses against him, hot even through fabric. He tugs a little too hard at the bit and Yun-ge whines.
“Sorry, sorry,” Fenglin breathes out, reaching up to stroke his fingers over his jaw, his other hand reaching for the small handtowel and wiping at his mouth again. He’s just far enough out of his element that he’s not sure what to do next, how to get Yun-ge into the bed, his mind racing ahead of him.
He wants to kiss him. He doesn’t want to take the bit out. Instead, he leans over and kisses his jaw, nuzzling close. “Such a pretty boy, Yun-ge. Come on, let’s get you down. I’ll make you feel so good, I promise.”
Fenglin is also shaking, he hides it well as he manages to get Yun-ge, as spaced out as he is, down onto his back in the bed. He’s so far away and so present at the same time as he stares up at Fenglin, eyes half-closed.
Lube. He needs lube. He keeps one hand on Yun-ge’s shoulder and manages to get the bottle off the bedside table. Fenglin is not clumsy by nature, but his hands feel useless as he grips the bottle tight to ensure he doesn’t drop it. He sighs at himself and then smiles as Yun-ge shifts and nudges his arm with his face.
Fenglin lifts his hand off Yun-ge’s shoulder and lets him nuzzle into his palm. Allows his breathing to even out. He sets the lube down on the bed, ruffles Yun-ge’s hair, and then steps back to undress. He can feel Yun-ge’s eyes on him as he strips, as he kneels on the edge of the bed, as he straddles his thighs, careful to avoid his cock.
“You don’t have to give me a gentle ride, you know,” he says as he looks down and meets Yun-ge’s eyes. There’s a twitch of a smile behind the bit, followed by a soft nickering and a nod. Yun-ge knows what he likes.
It’s quick work to prep himself, mostly because he doesn’t spend much time on it. Impatient, but also eager for the ache of sinking down on Yun-ge’s cock.
As he shifts up, he leans down and presses a kiss to the center of Yun-ge’s forehead, and before he can question what he’s doing, Fenglin reaches back and wraps his hand around Yun-ge’s cock and lowers himself down. It’s too fast. Fenglin closes his eyes, biting his lip as he bottoms out, trying not to cry out.
Usually, Haoyun puts his hands on his hips. Usually, he’s more active. Yun-ge trembles under him, breathing audibly and holding very still. They both hang frozen in time for a very long moment, until the ache shifts, and Fenglin relaxes at about the same time Yun-ge arches up.
Fenglin has wanted to talk through this; he can’t. Words escape him as they rock together, Yun-ge thrusting up hard as he bounces down on his cock. Fenglin doesn’t brace himself. His fingers find the makeshift rein and curl around the nylon cord, not yanking, just holding tight as he rides Yun-ge’s cock.
It feels different. It shouldn’t feel any different from any other time he’s bounced himself on Haoyun’s dick, but it is. Yun-ge still has that far away look in his eyes. The sounds he makes are still more animal than human, and Fenglin’s heart doing somersaults inside his chest that it’s him who is making Yun-ge look like that.
He finds just the right angle and rides Yun-ge hard. Fenglin just bites back a shout as his orgasm takes him by surprise. He comes hard, comes untouched across Yun-ge’s chest, a bit on the underside of his chin.
Yun-ge does not come.
Fenglin eases off him and goes flat alongside Yun-ge for a moment, just long enough to catch his breath and stop shaking. “Oh, you’re a mess,” he says as he turns his head, smiling over at him. “Poor thing.” He doesn’t think he can get up just yet, so he leaves it, instead rests his head against Yun-ge’s shoulder.
After a while, Yun-ge whinnies softly, and Fenglin laughs. “Ah, no,” he says, making this up as he goes along. “You’re a pony; you don’t get to come.”
The affronted snort Yun-ge makes is enough to send Fenglin into another fit of laughter, face pressed against his shoulder still.
“Later,” he promises. “Later. Wait.”
If he plays it right, he could get fucked again. It’s not like they have anything to do tomorrow or the next day. If he’s sore and walking funny, only Haoyun and the dogs will see. For the next few days, they get to be in a precious bubble of the two of them.
When Haoyun comes back to himself, when he’s no longer Yun-ge, he can come, but not before then.
Fenglin finally gathers himself up enough to get a damp towel to clean off Yun-ge. Only after does he reach out and take the bit out of his mouth, setting it aside to be cleaned later. Another towel wipes his mouth, and then Fenglin leans down to kiss him gently.
Yun-ge’s still out of it, eyes unfocused, but body a relaxed puddle of a man. Fenglin curls into him, petting his side, and allows him to come up at his own pace. It will be a while, and he’ll have to coax a conversation about what they did out of Haoyun, but that, like his orgasm, can wait.
The afterglow, the comfort in his own skin, is too precious to be disrupted so soon.
“I love you,” he whispers for the first time, almost too quiet to be heard. Yun-ge hums but can’t find his voice just yet. Fenglin lays a finger over his mouth. “When you’re ready. That will keep, too.”
- If you’re curious, the characters of their names are: 丰林 for Fēnglín and 浩云 for Hàoyún
- Hengdian: A huge film studio in China.
- Gege/ge (哥哥/gēge/-gē): literally means older brother but is commonly used as both as a polite term of address for someone roughly in your age group. But also in flirtation. Can be added to someone’s name as a suffix or used alone.