Secrets And Lies

by hColleen


“Tom. Tom, are you awake in there?”

The web of fantasy shattered, Tom bit back a groan of frustration and disappointment. “Yes, I’m awake.”

“Ken’s here.”

A string of profanities formed on Tom’s lips as he struggled to regain something resembling composure. Ken had held the star role in the daydream he was so close, so very close to finishing. “I’ll be out in a minute,” he yelled. What had been a luxurious flight turned into a race to get himself off so he could walk out of the room without tenting his pants. His release completely lacked the sense of completion and fulfillment he had wanted.

Wiping off his hand, Tom rolled off his bed to pull his clothes back on. The one concession his parents had granted him on his entry into college was a working lock on his door. He kept it latched most of the time, to his mother’s dismay. Her harping about his door being locked was far less troubling than her habit of just walking in when it wasn’t. He’d lost track of how many times he’d had to hide what he was doing because she’d opened the door.

Her reaction just made things worse. Every time she walked in on him, she’d say, “Put that thing away. No girl’s going to want used equipment.” He hated it. He also hated that she just assumed he’d care what a girl wanted. And he knew if he told her he didn’t care what girls wanted, that would be the end of it. He wasn’t sure how it would go down, but he knew it would be bad.

Tom jerked on his jeans, wandering into his small en-suite bathroom to wash his hands and make sure what he’d just done didn’t show on his face. The room was barely big enough for the essentials, but it kept him from having to go out into the main part of the house when he needed the bathroom.

His sandy blond hair was tousled. He brushed it back and the silver starting to take over at his temples became more obvious. His mother’s fault. He’d have a head full of silver hair by the time he was thirty. At least his father’s family didn’t go bald. That would be worse.

Tom stared into his own brown eyes, wondering if the burning mania just under the surface showed through. He was in love with his best friend. Only, no one could know it. He’d met Ken in kindergarten and they’d been inseparable from the first time Ken shoved him off the jungle gym.

It was sometime around their freshman year of high school that Tom realized his feelings for Ken were more than just friendship. Ken’s dark eyes began to fill his mind and his hands ached to touch his friend’s shoulder-length dark brown hair. Ken’s body had begun filling out as he practiced with the high school football team, fitting more and more into Tom’s ideal.

It was also then that he realized how violently homophobic his parents were. He could remember watching the news with them one day and a story coming on about gay marriage. His mother started on a tirade about how “homos” were ruining society. His father, usually silent, actually spoke up to agree with her.

Another knock at the door drew his mind away from his reflections. “I’m coming, Mother!” he yelled, quickly crossing his room to the door, pulling on his shirt as he did.

“I didn’t need to know that,” Ken snarked back at him when the door opened.

Tom felt his face pale and then flood with heat. “Dude!” he whined.

“She’s in the kitchen. Your secret’s safe with me.” Ken pushed in the room through the partially open door, kicking it shut behind him out of long practiced habit. He went over to the bed and flopped onto it face first before rolling over.

Tom felt the now too familiar kick in his heart as he watched his friend on his bed. He didn’t know how much longer simple fantasy would fulfill his needs.

“Hey, what’s this?” Ken asked suddenly, fishing something from under his back.

Tom’s blood froze, coldness seeping throughout his body, his muscles unwilling to cooperate with him. He’d been using a magazine to fuel his fantasies, and there was no way he could pass off for anything other than what it was, a gay porn magazine. He’d forgotten to hide it. And now, Ken held it in his hands.

To Tom’s horror, Ken began flipping through the magazine, slowly looking at some of the pages, flipping quickly past others. “Not exactly PlayBoy,” Ken said dryly.

Tom began to stammer, words tumbling out of his mouth without direction or focus. “That is…I mean…y’know…it’s…” His ability to get even that much out was stolen as Ken crossed the room, magazine in hand. Tom could feel his whole body shaking as Ken reached past him and locked the door.

“Are you?” Ken asked, lifting the magazine.

Tom could only drop his chin a little, a shadow of a nod.

“Since when?” Ken tossed the magazine over onto the dresser, still standing in front of Tom, his 5’9 frame seemed to tower over Tom’s 5’7.

“Freshman year,” Tom squeaked.

Ken’s eyes hardened. “They know?”

Tom flew to the door, pressing his back against it. “You can’t!” His shaking grew stronger as fear became focused. His parents couldn’t know. “You can’t, please, you can’t.” He kept his voice low, tight. It would be worse if his mother heard now.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Ken demanded, moving closer to Tom. “What do I get out of it?”

“Please,” Tom sobbed. “You’re my friend. Please. They’ll kick me out. You don’t understand. They’ll hate me. They’ll kick me out. Please. I don’t have anywhere to go.” He reached out to his friend. “Please, Ken. Please. Anything you want, just please don’t tell them.”

Ken moved closer, his hands pinning Tom to the door. “Anything?” he asked, tilting his head slightly.

Despite his fear, Tom was more than aware of the spicy scent of Ken’s cologne, the heat of his body, and his fantasy struggled to rise again. “Anything,” he whispered back, hunger filling his voice. He cursed himself for how he sounded, but at the same time, his parents couldn’t know.

Tom’s world stopped when Ken’s lips pressed against his. He had to be dreaming. There was no way this could be real. There was no way, in the middle of the worst moment of his life, that his best friend could be kissing him. But if it was a dream, he didn’t want it to end.

Ken pulled back. “I came over to tell you I’d gotten an apartment and ask you to move in. Now, for me to keep your secret, you will move in with me and you will let me continue.” Hunger filled each word.

“Continue?” Tom panted, not quite believing his ears.

Ken pressed his body against Tom’s. “We’re going to try some of those things in that magazine and then, at dinner, you will tell your parents you’re moving in with me because I live closer to school. Understood?”

“You’re…?” Tom couldn’t make himself say the word. He couldn’t believe his ears.

“I’m horrid. I’ve had a crush on my best friend since freshman year. And, now, I’m blackmailing him into a relationship.” There was no regret in Ken’s voice and only fire in his eyes.

“Yes,” Tom whispered, his heart swelling in his chest. When their lips met again, his heart soared, leaving him weak and dizzy. His arms found their way around Ken without his conscious thought. When Ken broke their kiss to walk him away from the door, Tom whispered again, “Yes.”

Ken smiled, his lips all Tom could see. “I think we’ll use the floor for today. And, you have to be quiet.”

“I can be quiet,” Tom asserted in a whisper.

Ken smirked. “Not if I’m doing this right.” Before Tom could reply, Ken pushed him down to the floor, claiming his lips again. Ken’s lips slipped from Tom’s, trailing a path to his ear. “I’ll save the best for when you move in, but,” he paused long enough to kiss Tom’s neck, “I think I love you.”

Tom groaned, his body arching into Ken’s. “It gets better than that?”

Ken pushed up Tom’s shirt, his lips tracing Tom’s pulse. “Much better,” he whispered as he left off kissing to lift Tom’s shirt off over his head. He continued his path down, his tongue teasing Tom’s collarbone and dipping lower. His hands caressed the bared skin of Tom’s stomach, teasing the top of his jeans every so often.

“This is more than I could have hoped for,” Tom panted. “I don’t know if I can imagine better.”

Ken moved back up to Tom’s mouth, kissing him fiercely, pressing his head back into the floor. He pulled back. “The things I want to do to you will make those magazines look like pale fantasies by comparison. You will be mine, only mine.”

Tom’s body trembled, not in fear, but in need. “Yes,” he whispered. Ken’s lips were on his again, pressing him into the floor as their bodies began to move against each other in a slow rhythm. Tom’s hands slid down Ken’s back, searching for the hem of his shirt, seeking to touch the skin below.

Ken didn’t give him the opportunity to find it, though. He broke their kiss, kneeling over Tom and threw his shirt off.

Tom gasped. He’d seen his friend shirtless before, but with him kneeling over him, hunger burning in his eyes and an erection pressing against the fly of his jeans, the effect on him was more intense. “Want,” he panted out, not sure what he was really saying, only that he needed what he saw. He reached up to touch Ken’s stomach, tracing the lines that defined his abdominal muscles.

“Let it out,” Ken directed, jerking his chin down as he came to rest on his hands and knees over Tom.

“Let it out?” Tom repeated, a little confused.

Ken’s hand went to Tom’s fly. “Like this,” he whispered, unfastening the button and pulling down the zipper. He spread the fabric and grinned at what he found. “Commando? Naughty boy.”

Tom blushed, feeling the heat spread down his chest as Ken stroked his aching shaft with the palm of his hand. He reached up, his hands trembling. He managed to slip the button out of the fabric containing it. He couldn’t manage to grip the zipper pull; his hands were shaking too much.

“C’mon, you can do it. You want to unwrap it, don’t you?” Ken’s voice was soft, encouraging and hungry.

Tom took a deep breath and his hands steadied. He managed to pull down the zipper only to gasp in surprise at what greeted him. “You, too?” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off the red, dripping flesh that stared back at him.

“Touch it,” Ken whispered. “Touch it and I’ll jack you off,” he added, lust adding heat to the promise.

Tom swallowed. He reached up and pushed Ken’s pants down his hips, freeing his shaft from the confines of the fabric. “What if I want more?” he panted as his body reacted to the visual stimulation of seeing his fantasies come true. “I don’t want you to just jack me off,” he added, pulling Ken’s hips down.

Ken resisted the encouragement. Instead, he pushed Tom’s pants down. “What do you want?” He let his hips come down when the fabric was out of the way. “What dirty little fantasies do you have floating around in that head of yours?” he teased, his lips brushing Tom’s.

Tom was reduced to panting, fighting back moans that rose from Ken’s erect flesh pressing against his. “I want everything,” he groaned.

“Everything?” Ken asked, a smirk curving his lip.

“I want you in me,” Tom managed to splutter, his face turning bright red as he turned away from Ken. He whimpered in misery, thinking he’d gone to far, when Ken moved off of him.

“On your knees, put your face in the bed,” Ken ordered.

Disappointment soared into dizzying anticipation. Tom’s body shook so badly he almost couldn’t move as directed. As he knelt by the bed, he grabbed a pillow, holding it in his trembling arms. He felt vulnerable, wanted, as if he were still within his dream. Tom twisted to watch Ken reach over to the bedside table for the bottle of lotion there. Ken didn’t look at Tom, though, and his expression was tense. “Ken?” Tom whispered.

“I’ve never done this,” was the soft confession.

“Never?” Tom asked, turning so he was sitting by the bed, the pillow in his lap.

“No. I wanted to be with you, so I didn’t….”

Tom blinked. “You dated.” Ken had been very popular in high school, being on the football team. He always had a girlfriend around.

“I never fucked them.”

Tom stared at his friend. “We don’t have to.”

“I want to. You want me to. I just don’t want to hurt you,” Ken whispered.

Tom was silent a moment. He reached over to touch Ken’s arm. “Just go slow and I’ll be okay.”

“You’re sure?”

Tom nodded, kneeling again. “I’m sure.” He blushed again. “I think I love you, too.”

Ken moved so he was hugging Tom from behind, his shaft pressing between Tom’s cheeks.

Tom moaned.

“Hush,” Ken hissed, though he sounded happy.

Tom pressed his face into the pillow, muffling the sounds he couldn’t hold back as Ken rocked his hips against him. “Please,” he begged, lifting his face enough to get that one word out. He felt Ken fumbling with the bottle and then shivered as lotion was poured onto his ass.

“Relax,” Ken breathed over Tom’s shoulder.

Tom fought his nerves that suddenly decided to rise as he felt what had to be Ken’s shaft pressing against his ass, pushing into where he’d only previously teased with his fingers. Shuddering waves of need and fear coursed through him as Ken began to enter him. He panted open mouthed into the pillow, becoming more and more lightheaded as he was taken. Flames of pain and desire filled his body with Ken’s erection.

After too long and no time at all, Ken’s hips pressed against his ass. Tom found he could breathe again without the desire to scream in pleasure or agony. Tom could feel the sweat dripping off his partner as Ken bent over him.

“You okay?” Ken panted.

“Yeah,” he panted.

Ken wrapped his arms around Tom’s body. “This feels amazing,” he moaned softly. “Better than I imagined.”

“Make me feel it,” Tom demanded weakly.

Still holding Tom, Ken moved his hips back slowly and back in. He moaned. “Fuck, this is better than I thought it would be.”

As Ken continued to move slowly, the burning in Tom’s body gave way to pleasure. He didn’t respond to Ken’s words. He buried his face in the pillow, moaning more freely as pain receded into a memory. He whimpered in need as Ken began kissing his shoulders and caressing his stomach.

“I’ve dreamed of this,” Ken whispered, his lips brushing Tom’s neck. “I’ve dreamed of fucking my best friend for almost five years now. And this is so much better than my dreams.”

“Please,” Tom whimpered, the only word he could force his lips to form.

One of Ken’s hands slipped down Tom’s body, teasing the thatch of hair at the base of his shaft. “Promise me you’ll move in and we’ll do this again,” he demanded.

“Yes, more,” Tom panted.

Ken’s hand wrapped around his shaft. Tom felt his body tense as the almost familiar and incredibly different sensation of his erection being stroked filled his mind. He just managed to bury his face into the pillow before he sobbed out in need. Tom’s mind was lost in a chaos of need, want, pleasure and a touch of pain.

Ken buried his face in Tom’s neck. “I’m gonna come,” he whimpered. “Come with me?” he begged, licking Tom’s neck.

Tom’s body responded before his mind fully comprehended the words. Pleasure spiraled quickly, agony following it as his body tensed, orgasm washing over him. He heard Ken moaning, felt his friend’s body trembling, pulsing within him. Each throb brought a renewed wave of pleasure and pain through Tom’s mind and body.

Tom whimpered when Ken pulled out of him, aching emptiness replacing the sense of completion he’d enjoyed, even if it was tinged with pain. He twisted a little to watch Ken lay down on the ground and hold out his arms. Tom crawled away from the bed, his body protesting each movement, and lay next to Ken, within the circle of his arms.

Neither of them spoke for a long time. Ken stroked Tom’s arm as he held it across his chest. Tom’s fingers traced lazy patterns on Ken’s chest. “When are you moving?” Tom asked softly.

“This weekend,” Ken whispered back. “I want you there, too.” Ken squeezed Tom a little. “We’ll work out the details later. Right now, I just want to hold you.”

Tom laughed softly. “A cuddler? Who would have known?” Before Ken could say anything, Tom added, “I like it, cuddling. It makes everything seem real, like it’s not just a dream.”

“How do you feel?” Ken asked.

Tom struggled between the truth and what he wanted to be able to say. “My ass hurts, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Ken brushed Tom’s hair back. “I’m sorry.”

Tom shook his head, propping himself up on his elbow. “I’m not. Next time will be better, right? I was a little tense because I was nervous. Next time, I won’t be.”

“Next time?” Ken asked, joy dawning on his face.

“There better fucking be a next time if I’m moving in with you,” Tom grumbled.

The sound of Tom’s mother calling them brought them harshly back to reality. “Boys, dinner’s almost ready. Get washed up.”

“What am I going to tell her?” Tom groaned.

“Let me do the talking,” Ken suggested.

Tom pushed himself up reluctantly. His back protested, sending warning pains up his spine as he stood. He tried to hold back the whimper and completely failed.

Ken wrapped his arms around Tom. “I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, Tom protested, “Don’t be. I’m happy. It just hurts a little.”

“I could stay here tonight and hold you?” Ken offered.

Ken had stayed over before on short notice, so it wouldn’t be anything strange to his parents. Tom smiled broadly. “I’d like that.”

Ken returned the grin and then bent to pull Tom’s pants back up, kissing up his stomach and chest as he did. They kissed as Ken refastened the button and zipper. Before either of them were satisfied with the kiss, Ken pulled back and bent to pull up his pants. “Next time, we’ll have more time,” he promised softly as he handed Tom his shirt.

“Yeah,” Tom agreed. He followed Ken out of the room, being sure to pull the door closed behind him.

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