by Domashita Romero (地下ロメロ)
illustrated by neomeruru
Twenty minutes in to American History class, Bethany Morrison poked him in the elbow and passed him over a folded up piece of notebook paper. He unfolded it and found, written in Liev’s familiar angular but neat scrawl, the words: “‘My name is Chris and I am a bitch.’ Check a box below to indicate true or false.” Beneath that were two boxes, both helpfully labeled ‘true.’ Chris looked over his shoulder to Liev, the next row over and two seats behind. Liev gave him a little ‘what’s up’ nod and smirked.
Chris gave him the finger from underneath his armpit, and took his pen to mark both boxes with big black X’s.
“Funny, that’s exactly what I said to your sister last night,” Liev responded cheerily, and just squeezed the note in his hand rather than opening it.
“You know, that’s really considerate of you. Because she’s got that terrible jaw problem, can only open her mouth up about this–” He held his fingers about half an inch apart. “–much. Thus making you the only person she could possibly service. If you get what I’m getting at.”
Liev tapped the folded note on his lower lip and Chris’s nostrils flared a little as he took in a breath. “You are getting at that you are a bitch. Well established fact.” He thumped Chris between the shoulderblades. “C’mon, I’ll buy you lunch.”
Lunch was a sprawling tray of fries and a fried chicken cutlet with a neon orange slice of American cheese on it on a stale white hamburger bun. It would make Michelle Obama (not that anyone in town ever brought up any Obamas without a selection of really pretty offensive adjectives accompanying) have a horror-stroke, but Chris wolfed it down eagerly, hungry from not eating breakfast. Liev ate his fries leisurely, a lazy circuit of fry to ketchup to mouth, and watched Chris inhale his lunch. He wiped salt off his fingers onto his jeans and started to grin.
“You know, I’m really glad you’re not too much like your sister,” he said.
“Mmrf?” Chris said, mouth full of chicken sandwich.
“You know. You don’t have that jaw problem.” Liev cast a nonchalant glance around them. They were alone on their table in the senior courtyard, just like always, no one else coming close. “You can take in as much dick as you want.”
Chris just managed not to choke, taking a swig of Coke to keep the food from sticking in his throat. “Fuck, you fucker, not now, seriously?”
Liev twirled a fry between his fingertips like some sort of teenage contemplative Bond villain and just kept smiling languidly. “I mean, you just open right up. Not even a touch of teeth. You just want to swallow that dick whole. Choke on it. Right down your throat.”
Chris put his sandwich down and took a deep breath. Liev was his best friend in the world, but that did not change the fact that he was a complete asshole sometimes. “I am going to stab you in your balls.”
“Nuh-uh,” Liev said, smiling even more. “Because you want to suck on them. Roll them around in your mouth.” He ate the fry and laughed. “Shit, last time you were even licking my taint, you dirty motherfucker. Because you’re such a slutty bitch.”
Fuck, he was hard now, like there was ever going to be any question about that. He shifted and adjusted under the table, trying to make it less obvious that his dick was straining the front of his jeans. “You are a fuckhole, you know that?”
Liev tapped his foot on top of Chris’s under the table. “Want to do something about it, bitch?”
Chris inhaled, exhaled, inhaled again. He could feel blood in his cheeks, making them pink, and wondered how he had any left for that considering how bad his dick was aching. He let that last breath out slow and said, “Second floor utility closet. You go now and I’ll be there in three minutes.”
Liev got up, picking up his tray of half-uneaten fries. “Finish your lunch, though. You swallow jizz on an empty stomach and it’s just going to be growling for more all through Trig.” Chris picked up his sandwich with one hand, presented his middle finger to Liev with the other, and let that salute follow him as Liev dumped his tray and walked back into the school building.
Three minutes later he was on his knees with the edge of a mop bucket pressing into the small of his back and Liev’s cock in his mouth. He had a hold on Liev’s thighs, and Liev had his hands knotted up in Chris’s hair, locked together as Chris nearly choked himself on Liev’s dick. They couldn’t take long, they couldn’t make noise, there were basically an infinite number of reasons why doing this was a terrible idea, and the utter fucking terror of it just made Chris reach down to rub the heel of his hand against his erection through his jeans.
“Fuck, you little slut, you going to jizz in your pants down there?” Liev’s fingers curved around the back of his skull and brushed ticklishly down the nape of his neck. “Gonna walk around with that in your shorts the rest of the day?” Chris rolled his tongue around the head of Liev’s cock and gave him the finger again; this time, Liev grabbed his hand and sucked the tip of that offending digit in his mouth, echoing that hot swirl with his own tongue. “You just fucking wait. Just wait and I’ll get you off so much harder.”
Chris punched him in the thigh to get him to to quiet the fuck down before someone heard, and Liev just laughed and bit at Chris’s fingertips. Chris sucked him in deep until he felt Liev’s dick nudge the back of his throat, until it made it hard for him to breathe, and yeah, he probably could shoot off just from this. His life would be vastly improved if he could just quit all of the rest of it and do nothing but this. He groaned around Liev’s cock.
“Shit, get ready,” Liev said, gasping, and Chris took a deep breath before Liev started to shoot. “Swallow it,” Liev groaned, and he did, gulping it down with an enthusiasm he was almost certain he should be ashamed of. “Next time I’m coming on your face,” Liev said, but he said that every time. He didn’t always follow through on his promises.
When Liev was finished and his dick was getting soft, Chris tucked him back in his pants and got back up to his feet, wobbling a little like a dazed baby deer. No blood left in his head, seriously. Liev looked… Liev looked amazing, flushed and satisfied and like he was king of the world, and anyone who saw him right after this would know he just got some. They’d have to know. Liev smiled at him and brought his hand around to the back of Chris’s neck, pulling him against his shoulder.
“You are a fucking awesome cocksucker,” he said, with real warmth in his voice. “My bitch.” He gave Chris’s neck a fond little squeeze and jostled him a little. “Isn’t that right?”
Liev’s neck smelled good, like his soap and whatever pheromones got released after you got off. “Mmhm. That’s me.”
He put his hand down against Chris’s hard-on, palming it through fabric. “Say it.” Chris jerked and bit the fabric of Liev’s shirt, leaving a spitty little mark there. “C’mon.”
“I am your bitch,” he said, and he could hear Liev smiling as he unfastened his jeans and reached his hand in to wrap around his dick. It was fifteen seconds tops before he was coming — not his worst showing, but seriously, he could do better. Some other time. Liev pulled his hand out of his pants, leaving a few smears of come on the inside of his boxers to keep him company for the rest of the day. He nudged him back off his shoulder and showed him his sticky hand.
“I should make you lick it up,” he said, smiling, and when Chris met his eyes in a way he knew had to be saying yeah, I’d do it he laughed and just wiped it on the wall. He nudged past him, leaving Chris to finish buttoning up his pants, and opened the door a crack to peek out. “Coast is clear,” he said, and went out into the hallway.
Liev looked like king of the world, but Chris figured he had to look like a schoolboy who just did something he knew he shouldn’t… which he supposed technically was true. He wanted to get the jizz out of his pants. “See you in Trig?” he said, nodding that he was heading to the bathroom.
“I’ll listen for the growllllllls,” Liev said, and Chris flipped him off with the other hand this time before walking off.
If anyone ever asked him about it — which he sincerely, deeply, for his own health and safety hoped they would not — Chris would tell them that he’d never been planning on sucking Liev’s dick, or any dick ever at all. It had just happened. Like things did sometimes, unexpected.
It was Homecoming night when it happened. He and Liev had been in one of those pissy girl fights for most of the week over whether or not Chris was going to skip the whole stupid jock-sniffing thing and hang out with Liev, or if he was, as Liev put it, going to be a tool like everyone else in school and go. Chris had actually managed to score a date with Bonnie Kirkpatrick, and Chris managing to score a date with anyone was a major occurance he wasn’t going to throw away to drink stolen beers with Liev. That, and… well, his mother had nagged him on the importance of normal high school experiences, and his father gently suggested that it might say something about Chris’s general character if he did not want to go to a dance with a girl. In not exactly those words. So Chris went.
Of course, twenty minutes in, she ditched him to make out with one of the guys on the wrestling team, who had been smart enough to bring a flask. Some guys knew all the tricks. Chris lingered for another ten, an awkward shadow in the corner, before ducking out the back. A quick detour to his house to procure some beers out of his dad’s hoard, and then he was off to somewhere less populated.
Liev was right where he expected to find him, lying on his back in the grass on a ridge that overlooked the town, a bottle of Jim Beam resting beside his hip. Well, Chris hadn’t needed to get the beer after all. Liev had to hear him coming, but he didn’t acknowledge Chris’s arrival.
“You were right,” he said, as he came up to stand just over Liev. “It sucked.”
“Damn right, I was,” Liev said, still looking up at the stars. Chris lifted up the six pack.
“I brought penance beer.” Liev looked over at him at that and smirked a little.
“Damn right, you did.”
Chris sat down in the grass next to Liev. It’d been a warm fall, and there hadn’t been any big snows yet, so the ground was dry, at least. He hadn’t worn his suit since his Nana’s funeral and it didn’t fit quite right, but he still didn’t want to get the stupid thing stained. “Yeah, yeah, don’t gloat.” He pulled a beer off of the plastic six-ring and put it on Liev’s stomach. Liev flexed until it fell over, and then picked it up, cracking it open and sitting up enough to drink.
“So where’s The Date?”
Chris opened up his own beer and drank half of it in big gulps before answering. “Making out with Jeff Williams.”
“Aw, she took those pretty flowers you got her and decided to fuck a meathead.”
“Whatever, they can have their fun.”
Liev laughed a little and set his beer down in the grass. “Hey, as long as you’re okay with the fact that it’s not your dick that gets to see the light of her panties before she remembers she gave her word to stop at third.”
Bonnie and Chris had dated a little during the summer, while Liev was away in Israel. They’d made out here and there, and once, in the back of her mom’s car, hands had gotten in pants. Chris found what he found there intensely bewildering and no one got off at all, but it had to count for something in the grand scheme of things. He drank more of his beer, which was already making him feel lighter. “Honestly, I find the whole base system kind of vague and confusing. I’m more of a football guy.”
“Well, then, before you’re fourth and long and about to throw a Hail Mary, but get tackled in the end zone.”
Chris swallowed down the rest of his beer, tossed the can aside, and flopped back against the ground. “Story of my life.”
“And that,” Liev said as he picked up the bottle of Beam and sat it down next to Chris. “is why I don’t play sports.”
Chris actually kind of hated hard alcohol, but fuck it, that night needed to be at least a little fun. He propped himself up a little again to unscrew the cap and take a big heavy swig. At least he knew Liev wouldn’t laugh too much when he grimaced. He smiled a little as he felt it hit his stomach and warm him up. “It is not the way of your people,” he said.
“Fuck you, man, there are tons of great Jewish athletes.” He took the bottle back and took another drink himself. “Baseball players, all the great ones, they were either black or Jewish.”
One more drink, and Chris was starting to feel good. He was such a fucking lightweight. He settled back in the grass and put his hands behind his head. “Baseball’s a pretty faggy sport, though.”
Liev snorted. “Yeah, because ass-pats and full contact are totally straight.”
“Full contact with a lot of padding!”
“Yeah, padding around your dick.”
Chris laughed a little, then rubbed his hand over his face. Maybe another beer would be a good idea. “Whatever, the point is I had my base run or whatever with her this summer and it wasn’t very good, so… whatever.” He’d been short on the details about Bonnie with Liev when he’d come home, for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of. Maybe he’d laugh at him for not going farther with her, or maybe… he didn’t know what. “He can have her.”
Liev was quiet for a little bit, tilting up a little to drink the rest of his beer. “Well, I’m still sorry.” Chris could hear him smirking in his next words. “Not for you, I mean. But for the sake of your poor little penis.”
“I do not have a little penis,” Chris objected. This was more familiar territory.
Liev waved a hand in the air dismissively. “Sure, sure.”
“It gets littler every time you say you don’t. It’s like a reverse Pinocchio.”
Cock talk was nothing new. Like, it was a completely normal thing for teenage boys to do, Chris was pretty certain. He’d seen Superbad. There was no more comfortable form of male bonding than talking shit about your best friend’s dick. They’d been friends since they were five, and had started penile smack-talk at around age twelve. But something about it lately had made him start to feel… itchy. Strange and unsettled. He drank a little more. “Look, you can ask her about it. She got a nice big handful of it.”
“Oh, yeah,” Liev said, huffing a little. “Excuse me, can you report on the size of my friend’s junk? It’s for the school paper.”
“It’d be front page news.”
Liev held his hands out in front of him, framing an invisible headline. “WORLD’S SMALLEST DICK FOUND AT NORTH PASS HIGH.”
“Shut up!” Chris said, and let out a harsh and irritated sigh. He actually wasn’t sure if his dick was big enough, really. He only looked at girl-on-girl porn (and not like you could judge yourself against porn guys, anyway) and it wasn’t like he was peeking in the locker room or anything like that. Bonnie hadn’t said anything one way or the other… “Like you’re hung.”
Liev put his hands behind his head and Chris could see him smiling out of the corner of his eyes. “Oh, not like I’m hung at all. I am hung.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “You are not.”
“I’ve got a hell of a kosher sausage.”
Chris snorted a little laugh. “Mini-frank.”
Liev grabbed for the bottle and drank from it, letting out a satisfied ‘aah’ at the end of his swallow instead of grimacing. “Not even whiskey can keep my meat down.”
Chris’s face felt hot. The alcohol was getting to him. “As it stands to a proud three inches.”
“Stop talking about your own dick, dude, we are talking about my magnificent cock.”
“Fine, if it’s so huge, prove it.” As soon as the words left Chris’s mouth he wanted to bite off his own tongue. What the fuck was wrong with him, asking something like that? He would never live this one down, not ever, and what was he even thinking and…
Liev shrugged, unzipped his pants, and brought his dick out to flop up against his stomach, as nonchalantly as if he were opening another beer. Alarm sirens in Chris’s brain told him DON’T LOOK, but he was leaning up on his elbow to fucking stare at it. No, it wasn’t small, not at all. Maybe even a little bigger than Chris’s, although that was hard to tell, since Liev wasn’t hard. That thought hit Chris like a punch to the stomach, and suddenly he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It looked soft and thick now, but what would it look like hard? Fuck, he had to stop staring.
“If you’ve got a ruler…?” Liev said, lazy and calm like this was a normal thing to do on a Friday night. Chris swallowed and tried to breathe like a human being instead of an excited hummingbird.
“It’s… uh…” Fuck, he could not think. “Cold night, huh?”
Liev wiggled his hips a little, making his dick shift against his belly. “Feels pretty good to get some fresh air on it.”
“I meant… you know. Shrinkage.”
“Nah, he’s not shrunk,” Liev said, and Jesus Christ reached down to pat his dick a little, like a friendly animal. “He’s just soft. You should see him hard.”
Chris forced himself to lie back on his back and only look at the stars. He was hard now and that… that just had to be a natural reaction, a total teenage hormone thing that came from talking about sex. He just had to act completely normal, and it was dark out, and Liev wasn’t even looking over this way…. He tried to get his heart rate down so he could behave not like a freak. “So, like, that would add another millimeter, right?”
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Liev give it a squeeze, like he was testing it. Chris needed to be more drunk, or to have never had alcohol ever in the first place. “Maybe more like… two inches.”
Chris closed his eyes. That was the only smart thing to do in this situation. He wanted to just shut up and let the earth swallow him up, but that would be awfully fucking suspicious. “Still pretty average,” he croaked out.
Liev was quiet for a little while, and Chris had to open his eyes. His dick was still out, and he was looking at Chris, just a tilt of the eyes his direction. Fuck. “Don’t see yours out for any comparison.”
“What, you want me to?” He had to see him tenting out his suit pants by now, so this was just… insane. Cruel. Not happening.
“Bet I couldn’t even see it from here if you did,” Liev said, grinning.
“Fuck,” Chris said, and then said it again louder. “Fuck!” He sat up, took a swig from the whiskey bottle big enough to make him choke a little, and then undid his pants to let his dick pop free, proud and erect in the moonlight. He went back on his back and stared up at the moon, bright and large.
Liev looked at him, a quick look that Chris could still feel. “Yep, pretty cold out.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Chris said, and maybe being embarrassed would make his stupid asshole dick go down already. That didn’t seem to be working, though. “We’re like the same size.”
“Yeah, because you came to the party already hard,” Liev said, smiling, and what the fuck was wrong with Chris that that just made him get harder?
“Shut up!” he whined. His face was hot, blood full of alcohol was rushing in his ears, and he just couldn’t think. His brain was nothing but a sea of fucking dicks. “We’re just… talking about stuff, shit happens like that!”
“Didn’t get me up,” Liev said, picking up his dick and letting it flop back against his stomach to show off how flaccid it was. Chris covered his eyes with his hand.
“Maybe that’s your problem. Maybe you have a hormone imbalance. Maybe you’re the first teenager to need Viagra.”
Liev sounded so fucking amused. “If you want to see it hard so bad, get it there yourself.”
Oh, fuck. “Shut up, you fuck.”
“I think that’s the perfect way to measure it. See if it’s a good mouthful.”
Chris took his hand off from over his eyes. He was drunk. He was hard. The one thing Liev had tried to get him to remember over years of protecting him from bullies and assholes was that the best thing to do when you were being teased was just to stand up and face whatever they were saying to you, take the power away from it by showing you weren’t afraid. Yes, that was the reasoning he was going to stick with for what he did next.
“Okay, fine, you want me to measure, I’ll fucking measure.” He sat up, scooted over to close the distance between them, knocking over the bottle of Beam, and slid his hand down Liev’s stomach to wrap a hand around his dick. It was hot in his fingers, and not nearly as soft as Liev had been claiming, and that was a nice little victory he would focus on later when he had more blood in his brain. Right then he could only think of how incredibly weird it was to be feeling someone else’s dick in his hand, weird and good, sweet fuck it felt good, and he was going to worry about that later, possibly in another two seconds when Liev shoved him off and called him a faggot.
But he didn’t. He just gasped and arched up into the touch a little, and while Chris tangled in a little closer to him. Chris felt him getting harder in his hands, and that was fucking incredible, even if, god damn it, it turned out he really was bigger than Chris. One more way left to really measure. He bent over and took Liev’s dick in his mouth.
“Fuck!” Liev shouted out, and put his hand in Chris’s hair to push him down on his cock, no more fears of him shoving him away. He tasted salty and not like Chris was expecting, though, fuck, he had not been expecting any of this, no, he hadn’t. The skin of his cock was smooth and hot under his tongue, and it felt so fucking good. He felt himself moan as he ran his tongue around the width of Liev’s cock, and he ran it up to the slit. He was drunk and he’d clearly gone insane, because he thought he liked that taste, and there was more of it right there for him to lap up, and maybe if he sucked it’d be even better…
“Fuck, fuck fuck,” Liev groaned, and knotted his hand up tight in Chris’s hair, and holy shit, he was coming in Chris’s mouth. Chris swallowed what he could and tried not to choke. Chris had tasted come before, when he licked it off his own hand after jerking off and then tried to pretend he’d never done that, and Liev tasted just different enough that it made him keep sucking, trying for more. If he didn’t stop doing it, if he didn’t start thinking about it, it would all just keep feeling so fucking incredible forever and he’d never have to worry about anything again. Liev let his hand drop out of Chris’s hair, and his dick went soft between his lips.
Chris pulled himself off and fell back on the ground, wiping jizz off his chin and scrubbing his hand on the grass. He covered his face with his hands and waited for the world to end. Absolute impending doom wasn’t doing anything to disuade his own cock, though, which was still hard enough that a stiff breeze would probably have him shooting all over his tie.
“Well… fuck,” Liev said, and he didn’t sound mad or disgusted or anything like that, just… curious. “Did you get a good measurement?”
Nothing made sense anymore. He just kept his hands over his face and nodded. He heard a rustle as Liev scooted across the ground to get closer to him.
“Guess I better check yours, too,” he said, and Chris let his hands drop to see him leaning over him. “It’s only fair.” The world was ending in the most amazing way, because Liev dipped down and sucked his dick into his mouth.
It was better than Bonnie’s hand shoved in his shorts had been, it was better than his own hand even in the most creative of jerk-off sessions, it was the best thing in the world. Hot and wet and electric, his whole world reduced in size to what of it fit in Liev’s mouth right then. And it was Liev, him with his ridiculous curly hair bobbing in his lap, Liev who always had his back and now apparently had his front as well, and Chris came sudden and sharp, his first orgasm brought on by another person taking roughly twenty seconds from start to finish.
Liev did not swallow as readily as Chris had, and choked a little, spitting onto the grass and wiping his mouth on Chris’s suit pants, leaving a nice smear there. That would be incriminating, Chris thought, starting to panic a little, but then he realized there was not exactly a label on any given jizz stain telling the sex of whoever caused it. Liev settled back on the grass beside him, much closer than before, and let out a long breath.
“You completely owe me for the Beam, you sloppy fuckstick,” he said, after a while, and Chris let out a breath too.
“I’ve still got beer.”
Liev tilted up to look at the remnants of the six pack, and then he looked at Chris, splayed out and still breathing hard with his dick hanging out, with something on his face Chris had never seen there before, something heavy and long. It made Chris’s dick twitch, even though he’d just come. Then it was over, Liev smiling at him and reaching over him to grab the beer. He tucked his dick back in his pants and stood up.
“Wanna drink this in the car? It’s a cold night, after all.”
Chris took a breath, put his dick away, and stood up on very unsteady feet. “Yeah, freezing or something.”
They didn’t touch the beer once they got in Liev’s car, but Chris got off a second time, and then a third. And then again the next night, and the night after that, and twice when he went over to Liev’s to do homework, and after that it was just routine.
There were times when Chris came over to Liev’s house to do homework and they actually did homework. Chris shuffled through life at about a B-; Liev was more of an A-, although his mother always told him he could bring that grade up if he would just apply himself. So, a history test that Chris needed to seriously not fuck up on? Yeah, he would crack the books and get Liev’s superior brain to help him remember shit about the Bay of Pigs.
“I should work out a system of rewards,” Liev said after they’d spent a few hours working. “If you get enough questions right, I’ll let you blow me.”
Chris snorted a laugh and kept copying down Liev’s notes. Motherfucker had such spidery handwriting it took a lot of concentration to figure out what the hell he’d written. “And if I get them wrong?”
“I’ll make you blow me.”
“Ohh, okay.” The problem with Liev starting shit-talk like that was that it completely took Chris’s mind off of any potential for studying and took it directly towards the thought of cock. God, he had problems. “What’s the difference, now?”
“Well, when I let you, I just relax on back and let you come on to it.” He leaned back against the base of his bed, spreading his thighs where he sat on the floor. “And when I make you, I just grab you by the hair and push you right down on that thing.” He mimed this, grabbing an invisible Chris head vigorously and bringing it down to his crotch. Chris just laughed, even though the suggestion of it made his dick start to fill out a little.
“So, how many answers do I have to get right for you to blow me?”
Liev looked thoughtful. “Actually, I have a good quiz question for you. If you get it right, I’ll blow you right now.”
Chris closed his notes. “Bring it on.”
Liev pointed a finger at Chris and grinned. “Okay, there’s a really obvious stupid person answer to this one, and if you say that one, I’m jerking off on your face.” Chris rolled his eyes and made a ‘yeah yeah’ gesture with his hand. Liev had still never come through on that one. “And it might even be on a test, so fucking concentrate.”
“Just ask the fucking question, Professor Eisenstein.”
“Where,” and he just looked so pleased with himself when he started unbuttoning his pants already, “was the Manhattan Project headquartered?”
Chris pursed his lips together in a “Mmm” sound and almost formed the whole word before he remembered the ‘obvious stupid person answer’ thing. Then he considered going through with it, just to see if Liev would really follow through on his threat. But he actually knew this one, remembered it from class for a change, and that was kind of a miracle in itself. “Mmmay I just say I know the answer, and it’s Los Alamos, New Mexico.”
Liev looked genuinely surprised, which was a little dickish, but dipped his head and smiled. “Very good, you pass.” He got up onto his knees and patted the bed behind him. “Get on the bed, I don’t want to crawl around on the floor.”
Chris popped right up and sat on Liev’s bed, spreading his legs to make room for Liev between them. If he hadn’t had a boner already, he’d have gotten one from the way Liev grinned at him, sly and happy all at the same time. Liev unzipped his pants and gave his dick a little twang with his fingertip when it popped free, making Chris gasp and laugh. He leaned in to lick the tip, and Chris dropped his head back to sigh, keeping it quiet, just in case…
He put his hand at the back of Liev’s neck. “Wait… is your door locked?” Liev wetly sucked the end of Chris’s cock and didn’t answer. “Asshole, is it locked?”
“Think so,” he said, breath tickling the sensitized wet skin. “Whatever, they never fucking check in on us, it’ll be fine.” He ended that line of conversation by gulping down Chris’s cock, leaving Chris just looking at a lapful of curls.
“God, you stupid asshole, you’re going to get us…” Chris tried to let Liev’s mouth stop him from worrying about just what he was going to get them. If that door opened, everything would be over; not just the blowjob, but his life. He’d get sent to some kind of camp or something, and they’d probably take out a page in the paper about it, and he’d never, ever, ever see Liev again. He let out a tense little whine and Liev lifted his head up.
“Okay, okay. But they’re going to think we’re doing drugs.” He got up and locked the door.
“Much preferable conclusion.”
Liev shrugged. “Probably. I’ll pee in a cup, whatever.” He went back on his knees then and took Chris’s cock back in his mouth, while at the same time shoving a hand up under his shirt, reaching up to pinch at his nipple, tweaking at it like he was some backseat girlfriend. It made Chris shiver and squirm, dick leaking into Liev’s mouth. They’d been at this long enough that they’d both gotten pretty good at it, but Liev couldn’t quite fit all of him in his mouth yet. It made Chris feel kind of proud, both of the apparent size of his cock, and also that he could suck Liev right down to the root even though he was bigger. Then, of course, he wondered if that was something he should be proud of.
Even if Liev wasn’t a porno-style deepthroater yet, he still knew what to do. The room filled with the wet sounds of his mouth and the little whimpers and grunts Chris struggled to keep to a subtle volume. Liev made him want to scream, made him want to pant and shout his name. Someday, he thought, and bit his lip as Liev did some fucking crazy flutter move with his tongue tip. Someday, somehow, somewhere he could make any noise he wanted and no one would care. He’d fucking scream.
But now he just squirmed on Liev’s bed and gritted out hissy little noises through his clenched teeth. Chris’s stamina had gotten better since they’d started this, too, but he wasn’t exactly a champion yet. Liev’s mouth was so hot and so perfect, and here he was, getting a blowjob for doing something smart. He was going to come so fucking hard.
“I’m going to head to bed soon, boys,” came Liev’s dad’s voice through the door, and the feel of Liev’s mouth pulling off his cock was just that last nudge Chris needed. He came on Liev’s face, unable to stop it as come splashed against his cheek and his mouth. Chris brought the heel of his hand to his mouth to bite it to keep himself quiet as Liev just made a face of endless exasperation and leaned away to miss the end of it.
“Good night, dad!” he called out, and his tongue darted out over his lips to lick a little of it away.
“Chris, do you need a ride home? Liev’s mom can probably take you, if you do.”
Chris sucked in a huge breath through his nose and let go of his hand. “No, I’m fine, Mr. Eisenstein, I can just walk. Thank you!” he said in one long exhalation before returning to panting as quietly as possible.
“Okay, then. Good night, boys,” he said, and Chris tuned his ears hard for the sound of feet on carpet walking away, and the sound of a door at the end of the hall opening and closing.
Liev just looked up at him, one eyebrow arched, and fucking jizz still all over his fucking face. “You fucking came all over my face, you little bitch,” he said, bone dry.
“I didn’t plan on it,” Chris said. Adrenaline of all sorts was spreading out through his veins now, making his fingertips tingle and leaving him feeling loose. Liev just shook his head.
“Seriously, you little bitch.”
Chris laughed a little and took in the sight. All of Liev’s promises, and he was still the first one to get the facial achievement. “Poor baby. Want me to lick it off?”
That spark went off in Liev’s eyes, the subtle look of a machine coming to life. His gaze was sharp as he met Chris’s eyes and smirked. “Yeah, you fucking better.”
Chris blinked. “…Seriously?”
Liev’s nostrils flared a little as his hands gripped Chris’s knees tightly. “Yeah. Fucking do it.”
Like he wasn’t going to do anything Liev asked. “Well, okay. Stand the fuck up so I can.”
Liev got to his feet, and Chris teetered up after him. At least they were the same height. Some of the come had dripped off onto Liev’s shirt, but his cheek and the corner of his mouth were still marked. Chris put his hands on the sides of Liev’s face to steady him, and leaned in to first lick his cheek clean in a steady pull of the tip of his tongue. He lapped again, and again, cleaning his cheek before he moved to his mouth. His tongue slid over Liev’s lips and both of them went still for just a second, a mutually held breath. Liev’s face was clean, but he licked at his lips again, trailing the seam of them, and then they were kissing. For the first time in all of this, in all of the stroking and sucking and humping and teasing, they were kissing.
Liev’s mouth only came off of his when he pushed him back onto the bed and crawled on top of him, and then he kissed him again, bumping teeth before diving his tongue into Chris’s mouth. He tasted like him, salty from sucking his cock, and tasting that on him made Chris’s head swim. Liev kissed him like it might kill him if he stopped, and Liev was smart about things like that, so Chris kissed him back just the same. Liev was making this high little whining noise, something that Chris usually only heard coming out of himself, as he ground down on Chris’s thigh. Liev gasped and it felt like he was trying to suck the air out of Chris’s chest. He groaned into Chris’s mouth and then shuddered on top of him, jerking as he came rubbing against Chris’s thigh, came in his fucking pants. That was the first time Liev had done that in all this. There were a lot of firsts tonight, it seemed.
They kept kissing even as Liev tried to catch his breath, softer now, little pulls of lips and sweet tastes. “Fuck,” Liev said, a whisper against Chris’s mouth. He breathed for a while, and then put his hand into Chris’s hair, stroking it back, curling his fingers at the base of his neck. “I’d never let anyone open that door. I’d never do that, you know that, right?”
“Yeah,” Chris breathed, because he did. Liev wouldn’t fuck up his only good thing. Liev wouldn’t fuck up their only good thing. “I know.”
Chris spent his time at Liev’s whenever it was possible, but some things just couldn’t be done at Liev’s house, like sitting in the basement watching movies and drinking beer. They’d raided the dollar bin at the video store for some kung-fu hits, and Liev had somehow procured beer in bottles, so they didn’t have to steal from Chris’s dad’s supply. They were living like kings, clearly. Chris’s mom was a nurse and worked late hours a lot, and his dad… his dad had been on disability (though for what, Chris wasn’t sure, because he seemed like the healthiest person in the family most of the time) for longer than Chris could ever remember him working, and he spent that money at Chuck’s, drinking beer out of glasses instead of cans and watching sports with the friends of his who just shook their heads whenever they looked at Chris. Or maybe he just went to the titty bar every night; Chris did not actually give a wet fuck, as long as it meant he was out of the house.
The door to the basement didn’t have a lock, so they sat at opposite sides of the beaten old couch down there, not even close to touching. Liev kept his beer bottle resting on his thigh, and Chris’s eyes flicked to it every time his fingers idly slid up the glass neck. He needed help. On screen, Master Wei punched a clean hole through a wall.
“I can do that,” Liev said, jerking his chin at the screen.
“You can not.”
“I can,” he said, not looking away from the screen. “Learned how to do it last summer.”
Chris laughed a little down the neck of his beer. “In Israel?”
Liev nodded and took a drink himself. “Fucking Krav Maga, man.”
“You did not learn Krav Maga,” Chris said. He only vaguely knew what Krav Maga was, but regardless, he was sure Liev didn’t know it, and even if he did, he was pretty sure none of it involved punching holes in walls.
“Lethal. Lethal. I’d show you but I might accidentally kill you.”
“Whatever,” Chris said, rolling his eyes, and right when Master Wei was doing a spinning crane kick, he heard the door slam upstairs and went still. It could be his mom, but she’d said she wouldn’t be home until much later. Maybe Steph had gone out and he’d missed it, and she was just coming back in again. His mouth went dry as he froze like a startled rabbit, hearing only his heart speeding up in his ears and the sound of the basement door opening.
“Oh, well, look at this,” came his dad’s voice from the top of the stairs, followed by the creak of him heading down them. “Didn’t know I’d be interrupting a playdate.” Chris just stared down at the beer bottle he had resting between his knees and felt the joints in his neck lock up. His dad came down the stairs and opened the cooler fridge, pulling out one of his cans of beer and cracking it open. Chris didn’t have to look up, didn’t have to turn his head to know he had that smile on his face, that one that said he thought he was the most clever man in the world. He didn’t have to look the other way to know Liev was bristling next to him; if he were an animal every hair would be raised.
His dad leaned against the fridge and watched them as Master Wei continued to honorably kick on screen. “You know, someone once told me when I was younger that underaged drinking would make you sterile.” He laughed, darkly merry, and took a drink of his beer. “Guess that didn’t turn out to be true. Oh fucking well.” Liev’s hand went into a fist and Chris just looked down the neck of his beer. “Well, drink up anyway, son. Last thing I need from you is that problem.” He laughed again. “Not that I have to worry about that with you, kiddo.”
Liev punched into the couch. “Tell me, Mr. Walsh,” he started, and Chris bit into the inside of his mouth. No, no, he did not have to do this, he really seriously should not do this. He had never done it before, why was he starting now? “When your mother was underaged and pregnant with you, did she drink? I think it would explain a lot.”
His dad was quiet for a moment. Chris’s peripheral vision was blurring as his face went hot, but he could still see the glint of white as he bared his teeth in a grin. “You know, Eisenstein, for your sake I hope the sterility thing really isn’t true. I know you people had some trouble with thinned numbers.”
Chris clenched his eyes shut and gritted through his teeth a choked, “Don’t,” though he wasn’t fully sure who he was saying it to. Liev was nearly vibrating next to him, fingers about to tear through the worn fabric of the couch. He opened his eyes again when he could hear his dad crossing the room, coming towards the couch. He stopped behind it, let out that little chuckle that made Chris’s stomach spike with acid, and reached over to tug on Liev’s ear.
“Stay away from my beer,” he said, and turned to head back up the stairs. He paused, and turned back to say, “And Chris, don’t hold your beer bottle like that. You look like a faggot.” Chris tugged his beer out from between his legs immediately, and shut his eyes tight as though it would shut out that laugh as his dad went back up the stairs.
Liev very calmly set his beer aside and stood up. “I’m going to fucking kill him,” he said, tense but clear, and started to walk towards the stairs, but Chris grabbed him before he could get far.
“Don’t, just… don’t,” he said, and he still couldn’t unlock his neck to look up at Liev. “If you do anything it’s just going to make it worse.”
Liev sucked in a long, hard breath. “Then I can’t fucking be in here right now,” he said, and grabbed his coat, pulling it on without really properly bundling up before marching up the stairs. Chris followed after him, forgetting his own coat and keeping his head down as they passed by where his dad now sat on the couch, drinking his beer and watching TV.
Outside, Liev marched across the snow to the tree in his front yard, and punched it again and again and again. “Stop!” Chris shouted out, and why did he have to sound so fucking faggy all the time, fuck. Liev stopped, though, clenching his fingers up. At least he wasn’t bleeding.
“Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck him.” His breath was steaming out hard. “I fucking hate him so much.”
“I’m sorry,” Chris said, hugging his arms around himself. He hadn’t gotten his coat, and it was cold out.
“What are you apologizing for? It’s not your fault he’s an asshole!”
“I’m sorry!” he said again, and shut his eyes tight when Liev sighed. “He’s an asshole, and he’s always been an asshole, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”
“He shouldn’t do that to you,” Liev said, rubbing at his knuckles.
“Whatever. I’m used to it.”
Liev let out a sound of frustration. “You don’t, fucking… fuck. You shouldn’t have to… fuck. Fuck!” He said it so loud it echoed a little, and Chris winced a little thinking about the neighbors.
“Don’t, just… don’t.” He swallowed hard, over a lump that was starting to shiver in his throat. “It won’t do any good.”
Liev put his hand into the tree again, twisting his fist against the bark. He pulled it back and flexed his fingers. “You just don’t deserve that. You really don’t fucking deserve that.”
Chris was shivering now, hands shaking where they clutched at his elbow. “Yeah, well, it’s what I’ve got.” It was what he’d always had, and what he probably would always have. Things like that didn’t change around here.
“You’re just so much better than he is,” Liev said, and Chris could finally lift his head up to see him looking at him, his brows drawn, his eyes heavy. Chris just let out a little laugh, more shudder than any sound.
“That’s not hard.”
Liev reached out and put his hands on his arms, warm through the fabric of Chris’s shirt. He rubbed a little, squeezing at his biceps, and it felt good, but Chris wanted nothing more in the world than for him to stop. They were in the fucking yard. “You’re so much better.”
He closed his eyes again. Some things couldn’t change. “Whatever…”
Liev squeezed him hard, giving him a little shake. “C’mon, are you hungry? Let’s go to Dairy Queen or something. Anything.”
That rock in his throat got harder to swallow around. “…if I leave now, when I come back he’s going to ask me if I had a fun time on my date with my heeb boyfriend.”
For a moment, Liev just pressed his fingers into Chris’s arms and brushed his thumbs softly down the insides of them. “Don’t you want to be able to say yes?”
Chris just looked down at the ground, at the snow around them, falling into his shoes and getting his feet wet. His breath curled out in one hot string of steam, and he just… couldn’t. Couldn’t say yes, couldn’t say no. Couldn’t even fucking think yes, like the cold had frozen up his brains. Liev sighed and let go of his arms.
“Sorry… sorry.” He ran a hand back through his hair. “You go back on in. I don’t want to make things worse for you.”
Chris’s face felt like it was on fire. “Sorry,” he croaked.
“Quit apologizing!” Liev yelled. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Sorry!” Chris said again, instinctually.
“Do I have to punch you?”
Chris shook out a laugh. “Maybe.” Liev drew up his fist to punch him, and Chris cringed waiting for the impact. Liev dropped his fist and shook his head.
“Pussy, I’m not going to do it.” Chris let out a breath, and then Liev socked him twice in the arm. “Two for flinching, though.”
“Ahhh, fuck,” Chris said, rubbing his arm. The heat of it made him feel a little more normal, the dull tingle of dead-arm bringing him back to life. “What I deserve.”
“Fuck right, you do,” Liev said, and then zipped up his coat. “Go back in. And if he gives you shit, tell him to go fuck himself.”
“I will,” he said.
“I do,” he said, knowing he would do no such thing. He walked back to the house across the snowy lawn, leaving Liev watching him go in. He took off his wet shoes in the hall and went up the stairs without looking at his dad again, and when he got to his room, he looked out the window and saw Liev still waiting there, under the tree, looking up at him. Chris left the light on when he curled up in bed.
They mostly fucked in the back of Liev’s car. Not the first time, of course; the first time had been a little bit more romantic. Liev’s parents had gone out of town and the two of them got very drunk. Liev stole condoms and lube from his parents’ bedside table (and neither of them wanted to think about that part too hard or even really at all) and somehow they managed to clumsily lose their virginities together. Liev fell off the bed at one point, Chris said the word “ow” possibly more than he ever had in his life to that date, and they didn’t kiss at all, but they figured it out eventually. And when it worked, it worked, and Chris had another thing he’d prefer to be doing at all times instead of anything else in his life. Just his luck that he really loved being fucked in the ass; he’d be fucked in a different way if anyone but Liev knew about it.
So, the back of Liev’s car it was. They couldn’t do it when either of their parents were home, because locked doors or no, Chris couldn’t keep quiet, but, seriously, how was anyone expected to be quiet when they had a dick in their ass. It was cramped and uncomfortable, his head bumping against the side of the door and his knees shoved up to his ears while he tried to not fall into the footwells. Not a fucking ounce of dignity either; he had one shoe off and his sock poking the roof while his jeans and underwear dangled off the other leg. It was sweaty and hot, making them fog up all the windows. They always parked somewhere hidden, just because it was so fucking obvious what they were doing in there. Chris would have to spend the ride home squirming in his seat with an ass sticky with lube. He wouldn’t change any of it.
Liev had gotten good at it, just like he ended up good at everything. He started out slow, working his dick into Chris just little by little. “Is that how you like it?” he said, though he was already breathless too. “You like my dick in you?” Chris could only whine in response and just become a total slut about it, grabbing one of the front seats for purchase to let him grind down harder on Liev’s cock. Liev held his hips back, though. “Say it, come on and say it. I’ll give it all to you if you say it.”
“Yes!” Chris gasped out. “Fucking yes, I like your dick in me, fuck.” He didn’t mean to sound annoyed, but they couldn’t exactly spend too much time at this. He’d love to draw it out, but they were just asking for trouble, no matter how secluded a parking job they’d done. But that gave Liev what he wanted and he pushed in Chris the rest of the way, and fuck, he loved that. He loved the feel of Liev filling him up, taking him over; when he did it right it was like he could feel him in his throat. Before they’d started fucking, when they were both kind of dancing around the idea of going all the way, he’d tried it on himself, just some fingers up his ass alone in the shower. He’d liked it then, he’d been surprised and a little alarmed by how much he liked it then, but it was nothing compared to the real thing, to Liev’s fucking cock buried in his guts. He could just stay like that, buried balls deep, not even moving, and Chris would still love it. Fuck, he was turning into such a fag.
“Such a… such a good little slut,” Liev said, and laughed before he bent down in the tight space, shoving Chris’s legs tight up against him to kiss him. His bitch-talk faltered a little when he was inside him, becoming more disjointed and distracted. He licked Chris’s lips and started fucking him down into the seat cushion, a building burn. “I’m gonna… fucking someday. Gonna fuck you until you come from it. No fucking hands, just my dick in you and you’re going to jizz so hard. We’ll both fucking drown.” He laughed again and put his hand on Chris’s chest, curling his fingers together to clutch up the fabric of his shirt over his heart. “I just want to fuck you forever.”
“Yes,” Chris groaned. The thought of it made his cock jerk, and he knew it could happen. Just fucking, nothing but fucking for long enough, and Chris would explode without needing anything else. It would be perfect. But now was not that time; police or rednecks could find them, they had to get home before too late, and also Chris needed to come like yesterday. He started jerking himself hard as Liev fucked him crowded against the door. He kissed him where he could, when it wasn’t too hard to reach; the best they got were glances of lips and bumps of teeth, but just that little bit made it that much better. Chris barely remembered to pull his shirt up his chest before he came, spattering his stomach as the feel of Liev’s cock in him while he got off made fireworks, serious cheesy stupid romantic fireworks, go off behind his eyes.
“Fuck, Chris,” Liev moaned out as he thrust hard a few last times and was coming, too. That was new, the way he was saying Chris’s name like that. Not bitch, not slut, not any little obscene pet name. Just ‘Chris.’ He’d been doing it more and more lately, and every time it made something swell up inside Chris that he didn’t know the name for. He just closed his eyes, let his mind play it in echo, and let Liev fall slumped on top of him, awkwardly crushing him into the seat.
“Fucking hell,” Liev said into his collarbones, and then he was pulling out, making Chris shiver a little bit. Chris stretched out his knotted up legs as Liev took off the condom and opened the car door to dump it outside, unmistakeable DNA evidence for CSI to pick up. Chris was pretty sure they didn’t need to use them, what with how they’d both been virgins and how he was not exactly going to get knocked up, but he wasn’t going to complain if it meant he didn’t have to come home and walk past his dad trying to look natural with an assful of jizz. Liev zipped up his pants and grabbed one of Chris’s legs to stretch it out on his lap. “I fucking needed that.”
Chris wiggled and contorted himself, trying to get his clothes back on without kicking Liev in the face. Liev just laughed and helped his foot find legholes. “Like, when don’t you?”
“Point.” He picked up the roll of paper towels they kept in the back seat for exactly this purpose and handed one to Chris to clean up. “My mom’s been seriously on my case about college applications. I’ve already applied to Brandeis, Boston College, and UMass, but she wants me to apply to fucking safety schools, and I’m like… ugh.”
Chris went still for just a second, holding the crumpled up paper towel in his hand. He unlocked himself as quickly as he could and tossed it out of the door, too. All three of those schools, essentially as far away from Colorado as you could get without being in the fucking ocean. Chris squirmed to get his pants pulled up again and swung his feet out of Liev’s lap. “Could you hand me my shoe?” he said, pointing to where it had fallen near Liev’s feet.
Liev handed it to him with a little grunt, and Chris worked it back on. “So… are you applying anywhere?”
“Um.” His foot wasn’t going in. He’d have to undo the knot and retie it. “I kind of… I mean, you know I can’t afford it.” His parents weren’t going to pay for shit, that was for sure.
“So you can get a scholarship or something. They’ve got all kinds of shit.”
Chris finally got his shoe on. “But you have to be, like… smart or get good grades or be good at something or be a minority or something to get those.”
Liev smiled at him fondly. “Well, you’re good at something…”
Chris’s neck locked up. He tied his shoe. “They don’t give scholarships for cocksucking, unfortunately.”
Liev scooted across the seat to be next to him, wrapping his fingers against the back of his neck, making him breathe out and relax. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just…” He carded his fingers up through Chris’s hair. “You should just apply some places. Don’t worry about the money, we’ll figure that out later.” We, he said. Chris felt like the inside of his chest was itching. “I bet you could get in. I mean… you’ve got to do something after we graduate.”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” he said, and leaned a little against Liev. The way he saw it playing out after they graduated was simple, a movie that had been on constant run in his head at night when he was trying to fall asleep since the first day Liev had said ‘I’m applying to Brandeis.’ Liev would get in to a school, Chris would not get in to any, Liev would leave and go off to become someone amazing somewhere where real people lived, and Chris would spend the rest of his life trapped in this shitty little town, working at the Dairy Queen and getting some girl pregnant when he was twenty and ending up just like his father. It was a forgone conclusion. It was one of the reasons he liked getting fucked so much.
Liev turned his head toward him, fingers light on his chin, and he kissed him long and soft. “Lots of schools in Massachusetts. Like, a lot.” He held Chris’s hand then, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. “I’ll find some, you just apply.” He let out a little laugh. “Write an essay about how much you fucking hate this place and need to see the greater world to further your education. It’s basically what all of mine have been.”
Chris huffed, something that should have been a laugh but just didn’t quite have the gumption. “Think it’ll work?”
“It fucking better,” Liev said, and kissed him again. He brushed his fingers through Chris’s hair and just kissed him for a long while before he pulled back and smiled at him, smiled like everything would actually be okay. “You hungry? Fucking you always makes me hungry.”
Chris managed a smile. “Buy me a fucking milkshake for giving me a sore ass.”
Liev scooted away to open the back door. “Yeah, I know you want vanilla. Just give my boy anything that looks like jizz, please.”
“You only wish your jizz tasted like milkshake.”
“Yeah, like there’s anything that would make you like it more.” He blew a kiss, Chris flipped him off, and they both moved to the front of the car. Liev flipped on the radio, and Chris kept his eyes on the mountains as they drove back into civilization, and wondered if he’d ever see anything else.
Spring break involved a little desperation. They told their parents they were going camping. Liev’s mother had nearly cried worrying her baby would get hurt out in the woods and Chris’s dad said he would probably get eaten by a fucking bear, but they piled a bunch of unopened camping gear into the trunk of Liev’s car and just drove. They’d have to remember to make it look used by the time they got back, because the real plan was to just drive, just drive far the fuck away, get a motel, and just stay there, behind closed doors where no one knew their names.
The drive felt good, the two of them going with the windows down, talking shit and laughing while they had the radio turned up. Chris kind of wanted it to just go on forever, the two of them just going. It didn’t matter where they ended up. Night was starting to fall and they’d settled into that comfortable road trip silence, watching the world slip by.
Liev broke it. He shattered it. “So, I got into Brandeis.” Chris sucked in air before it all disappeared. “It was my first choice, so… yeah. I’m going to go.”
“Wow,” Chris said instead of choking to death. “That’s great. I mean… yeah, good for you.” He stared out the window at the darkening sky.
“What about you? Did you hear back from any of the places you applied to? Most places usually respond by now.” He’d given him a list of many colleges in Massachusetts with presumably very low standards of entry, and Chris was going to apply to all of them, just to be safe.
“I haven’t,” he said, and rolled up the window a little, cutting down on the roar of wind.
“You haven’t? Not even rejection letters or anything?”
Chris rolled up his window completely, leaving an uneven spiral of wind fluttering around the car. “I didn’t apply anywhere.”
“What?” Liev said, and he sounded betrayed. Chris just watched out the window. “What the fuck, Chris? Is it because of the money? I told you we could figure something out.”
“No, I…” Chris pressed his fingers into the window, making the pads of them spread out against the glass. “I was going to apply. To all of them. I was doing the application and my dad saw me. He said…” His voice was shaking. God, why did he have to be such a fucking pussy? “He laughed. He just laughed and asked me who the fuck I thought I was. Who the fuck did I expect would want me?” And he’d just smiled the whole time he said it, that smile that cut into Chris like a knife, like Chris seriously, genuinely was nothing more than a joke to him. Like he always had been.
“So you didn’t do them?”
“I couldn’t,” Chris said, and it was true. Because his dad was right. He was just a piece of shit kid from a piece of shit family in a piece of shit town, and no where else in the world would want him. Who the fuck was he to think he was anything better? He was going to die there. Maybe sooner than later. “I couldn’t.”
Liev stayed quiet for a long while, and Chris vaguely considered rolling the window back down to throw up. “I’m tired of driving,” Liev said, calm and cold. “Let’s get a motel at the next exit.” Chris nodded a little and Liev rolled his window up, leaving nothing but the hum of the engine in the car as they drove on.
Liev checked them into the motel and they took their bags inside. The room smelled like air conditioning and the bedspreads on the two beds were ugly. Chris set his bag down on one, and then Liev was turning him, hands holding his face as he kissed him, soft and long and sweet. The little dark voice in his head wondered if this was the start of it, the beginning of the long goodbye that would go on between them for the next few months, before Liev went away. He might come back next summer, maybe with a girlfriend, but if he were smart — and Liev was always the smart one — he’d go away and never, ever come back. It’s what Chris would do, if he were a different person.
Liev slipped his hands under Chris’s shirt and pulled it off over his head, then he went right back to kissing him as his hands stroked over Chris’s skinny chest. One of them stopped over his heart and just held there, tight to the beat. He gently urged Chris back on the bed, back onto the slightly tacky-feeling motel covers, and drew away just long enough to take off his own shirt. He wasn’t saying a word, and that was the strangest thing of all. He kissed Chris’s lips numb before he stopped again to get the rest of both their clothes off and settle down stretched out on top of him, skin to skin.
They’d been naked together almost never at all, and the feel of it let Chris shut his brain down, let him slide into that safe place that sex could take him to. He was only going to get this so many more times, so he had to savor it while he could. Liev slid his fingers through Chris’s hair while he kissed his mouth and his face. He kissed his closed eyes, and that made Chris shiver, made his skin prickle in the chilled room. Every time Liev touched him it was like he was worried he might break. Maybe he would. It felt good.
When Liev pulled away again, it was to go to Chris’s bag for a moment, and when he came back he settled between Chris’s thighs, spreading them out. He watched Chris with serious eyes as he fucked him with his fingers for a long while first. He was still so quiet, nothing but the little flare of his nostrils each time he took in a breath. He was biting his lip a little while he twisted his fingers inside of Chris, and it looked so sweet and nervous.
“Please,” Chris whispered, because someone had to say something. Liev pulled his fingers out and when he slicked up his dick, he didn’t put a condom on first. He slid inside him bare, and maybe Chris couldn’t literally feel the difference, but he could feel the difference, nothing between him and Liev inside him. He moaned when he pushed all the way in, and then moaned again when he pulled out, and fuck everything, he was going to keep making noise. They were miles and miles away from anyone who knew them, in a room with a locked door. Maybe Liev could make him scream. Maybe he would anyway.
Liev muffled him with a kiss before long, though, not content to stay far from his mouth. He breathed him in like he had when they’d first kissed, and just overwhelmed him. He was in him, around him, tasting him, taking him. Chris would try to lock this feeling up and keep it inside him for when things got dark. Maybe it would be enough.
They fucked for a long time, slow and heavy, hips moving like dark drumbeats, and when Chris came it almost caught him by surprise. Liev had been stroking him so loosely for so long, just barely keeping him on the edge, and then one more kiss and he was tumbling over. Liev fucked him harder while he was still catching his breath, and when he came it was inside him, really inside him, and Chris didn’t care how fucked up it was that that made him feel so goddamned happy. It just did.
Liev collapsed on top of him and stayed inside him until he went soft, breathing into Chris’s neck. He stayed wrapped around him when he slid off to the side, his arm slung possessively around Chris’s waist. Chris was getting cold. He wondered if they should get under the blankets.
“I’m not leaving without you,” Liev said, cutting the silence with a rough voice.
“What?” Chris’s orgasm-haze lifted quickly. “But… I didn’t get in anywhere…”
“Fuck school,” Liev said into his shoulder. His eyes were closed. “You don’t have to go to school. You just need to come with me. I’m not fucking leaving you behind.”
Chris closed his eyes against the sudden swell of wetness. “Yeah?” he said, his voice a small whisper.
Liev hugged him tighter, pulling him into a hug against his chest. “My parents are getting me an apartment in Boston. You can live with me. And not, like, a fucking charity thing, you can get a job. McDonald’s or Starbucks or something. Whatever, you’ll find something. School is not a requirement for getting the fuck out of here.”
“Are you serious?”
Liev took his face in his hands and tilted it up so he would look at him. Chris was embarrassed that Liev was seeing him up close like this when he was all fucking snotty, but what was he going to do. “Of course I’m serious. You think I want to go anywhere without my bitch?”
Chris laughed, then, and felt the first of a hundred knots inside him start to untie. They were a fucking tangled wad, so it would take a while, but now he could see that Liev was there looking at those fuckers and holding a knife, ready to chop Chris free. “Man’s got to have his bitch,” he said, voice shaky.
“Fuck right, I do,” Liev said, and brushed Chris’s too-long hair out of his face. “Come with me, Chris. You don’t have to stay here.”
“Yes,” Chris said, and kissed Liev until he ran out of breath, because amazingly, the most amazing thing that had ever fucking happened, he believed him.
It was a sunny morning in mid-summer when Liev came and waited with his car packed full of his shit outside of Chris’s house. Chris’s mom was at work, and his dad and his sister were still asleep. He crept down the stairs with one bag at a time, two suitcases filled with all the shit in the world he cared about. He had been a little surprised, as he’d packed in secret over the last few days, how very little shit he cared about here. He could have left with just two changes of underwear and let all the other stuff fucking rot.
Liev put the bags in his car and Chris went in one last time for a last minute check of anything he might need. He hesitated before stepping back in over the doorway, like maybe if he went back in it would catch him like a flytrap, hold him there and suck him dry. He had forgotten one thing, though.
He found a notepad, wrote, “Fuck you, I’m leaving. –Chris” on it, and left it prominently displayed on the kitchen table. He walked out the front door for the last time and didn’t look back. He didn’t look back as Liev drove out of the neighborhood, and he didn’t look back when they were passing out of the town’s limits.
They had a long drive ahead of them and they barely spoke, a tension hanging in the air, nipping at their heels. Chris had this worry, he’d had this worry for the weeks leading up to that day, keeping him from sleeping at night, that something, some fucking thing would happen and they’d have to stay. Something would catch them, something would keep them. He’d get to the state line and they’d just send him home.
He clutched the handle of the car door hard when he saw it: a spray of trees and a sign that said “NEBRASKA …the good life. Home of Arbor Day.” The car zoomed past it and nothing happened. The skies didn’t open, the sirens didn’t start blaring, a disembodied hand didn’t pull him by the back of the neck back to the mountains. He had made it, they had made it, out of Colorado, out, out, out.
“Stop the car,” he said.
“What?” Liev said. “You okay?”
“Just stop the car.” Liev complied, pulling over into the scrubby grass on the side of the highway. Chris got out of it on shaky legs and staggered a few steps from it, taking in a breath of air that just tasted better. The sky was bluer. It was amazing what an invisible line could do.
“You carsick or something?” Liev said, getting out of the car, too. Chris just looked at him with a smile and shook his head, and he could see then that Liev understood. Chris turned, looked at the other sign nearby, the one that said “WELCOME TO COLORFUL COLORADO,” and gave it the double deuce harder than he had ever flipped anything off before. He turned back the other direction, smiling like he maybe never had before, and sighed.
“We’ve still got a long way to go, you know,” Liev said, but he was smiling, too.
“Yeah, but… we made it. We got out.”
Liev came to stand next to him and reached out to take his hand, squeezing it tight. “We made it the fuck out.”
He could already feel it all fading behind him, mountains and shadows and eighteen years of bullshit. The sun was going down behind them and the tiniest lights of stars were pricking out at the edge of the sky ahead. They had thousands of miles left to go, Chris knew as he could feel Liev smiling at him, as he felt his fingers curl tight around his hand. He would be happy going each one of them, though, because they were going together, and they were going east.
EPILOGUE: BOSTON, 2013