27
Aug

This Story Is Full of Scorpions: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Read It

According to Multiverse Theory, you, in an infinite number of universes, right now, are fucking Rick Santorum. All it takes for there to be a divergence is a decision, no matter how small: the second you make a choice, you go one way, and a universe where you make the other choice goes the other way. Another choice, another split. Every decision you make, from where to go to college to when to scratch your balls, is happening at that very same moment in an infinite number of other universes, and some of you are making one choice, and some of you are making another.

Or maybe the choice got made before you even got there. Maybe your great-great-great grandmother had a pickle for lunch one August Thursday, and that set off the chain of events that led to you, where you are, right now, reading this. Maybe if she’d had an apple instead, you wouldn’t be sitting here at all. Instead, you — or someone enough like you that it might as well be you — would be knees-up in some sturdy Pennsylvania Dutch four-poster bed, taking it like whatever you take it like from a former senator and presidential candidate in a sweater-vest. There’s even an infinite number of universes where he’s removed the sweater-vest.

There is, of course, an infinite number of universes out there where this is not happening. But mathematically speaking, infinity and infinity are the same — that is, you can’t have more of the infinity where a thing is happening than you can of the infinity where that thing isn’t happening. So if you could step through the thin membrane separating these universes into that next universe over’s version of you, odds are fifty-fifty that you’d find yourself on the receiving end of Rick Santorum’s glorious Republican penis.

Think about that next time you’re having trouble sleeping.

5
Mar

Across The Universe

by Oh, Kami (狼) illustrated by quaedam and sairobi (mirrors http://s2b2.livejournal.com/79947.html) Gwydion wove his way through the gorse bushes, stepping lightly on the sparse, dewy grass. His bare feet were chilled through and caked with mud, but it was too tricky to soften his steps in moccasins, riddled as the grasses were with tricks and […]

24
Dec

Guitar Hero

by Takiguchi Aiko (滝口アイコ) illustrated by sairobi (mirrors http://s2b2.livejournal.com/67080.html) You couldn’t even count the benefits of Roger getting clean but one of the unexpected ones was Jeremy got at least six hours of sleep a night, more or less uninterrupted. He’d had insomnia for as long as he could remember, and managing to drift off […]

16
Oct

Mike Dies At The End

by shukyou (主教) illustrated by sairobi (mirrors http://s2b2.livejournal.com/61440.html) Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt. If you already happen to know the awful secret behind the universe, feel free to skip ahead. Let’s say a hipster is chatting you up […]

6
Aug

Arizona Ford And The Golden Legend

by Domashita Romero (地下ロメロ) illustrated by sairobi (mirrors http://s2b2.livejournal.com/57770.html) 1938 “Archaeology is the search for fact. Not truth.” It was how Dr. William Ford began every one of his introductory undergraduate courses; it usually came followed by a rattle of how if any of his students were pursuing a career of adventure and treasure hunting, […]