by Hiwaru Kibi (火悪 木美)
It’s hard being a secret exhibitionist.
For starters, I can’t think of anything more self-defeating. I’ve always had a head full of fantasies about exposing myself to crowds of shocked yet intrigued onlookers, but in real life, I didn’t even take my shirt off at the beach. Every time I even thought about getting sexy-nude in public, I was crushed by two worries: one, what if the onlookers skipped ‘intrigued’ and hang out at just plain shocked, and two, how would I enjoy spending the rest of my life as a registered sex offender? That’s enough to throw some pretty cold water on a man’s kinks.
I was content to leave this as just one of those weird fantasies of mine, until the day I walked over to my friend Will’s dorm room. He was there in the common room with his suitemates, clustered around a laptop. Naturally, curiosity kicked in, so I went and made myself a part of the small crowd that had formed behind him, figuring nothing drew onlookers like a cat video.
Instead, Will’s screen showed two windows on the left-hand side and a chat box that filled most of the right. The bottom window was blanked out with a [no camera] message, but the top was the torso, thighs, and dick of a very naked, very hard man. Will tapped the mouse, and the man in the screen disappeared, to be followed first by a [loading] message, and then yet another aroused dude stroking his meat. And then another. And then a couple static ads with big-breasted women and chat service names, but after that, it was just all dudes with their dicks.
“It’s funny looking at these losers,” Will laughed, flipping from partner to partner with a tap of the ‘end chat’ button, and the other guys around him laughed too. I forced a smile to try and hide how my heart was pounding. “Who wants to spend a Saturday night like that?”
Who indeed. I memorized the URL and left Will’s dorm as quickly as I could think of an excuse that didn’t involve boners.
I’d never been thankful for my tiny single room before, but it turned out to be a weird blessing here, because I could get my laptop on my desk chair in a way that the webcam captured my body from my neck to my knees, and nothing else. I’m not a chisled monument to physical perfection, but I ran track in high school, and besides, I figured that maybe people here wouldn’t be that picky about a little tummy flab if it came along with a fairly good-sized dick at the ready. And ready it was — it hadn’t flagged a moment since I looked over Will’s shoulder. I took a deep breath, wrapped my fingers around it almost like it was a security blanket, and told the anonymous video chat server that I was ready for my close-up.
To my dismay, there were indeed dicks, dicks everywhere — but not a dick to drink, as it were. Despite the prevalence of penises, I guessed the ads should have tipped me off, that this wasn’t a gay site so much as a site for guys really looking to beat the odds and land on a pair of webcam-captured tits. One look at my (relatively) flat chest and they were rolling the dice again, hoping that this time around would make a somewhat more heterosexual connection.
As the minutes went on, my heart sank. You’d think it wouldn’t really matter, getting passed over by a bunch of random straight dudes from literally all over the globe, but even meaningless rejection is cumulative. Here I was, bravely showing myself erotically to the world, only to be met with a steady stream of people digitally looking away. Twenty minutes in, I was beginning to lose hope.
That was when I found him. Through the magic spinnywheel programming of the site, I was presented with a cock that basically filled the screen. There were barely any other identifying features, just a massive dick with a heavy piercing through the head. I hadn’t even known I was into jewelry, but from the way my cock jerked in my hand, this was definitely now on my to-do list. I fumbled with my keyboard to try and get a screengrab before he ended the chat, and as such it took me a few seconds to realize that the chat wasn’t ending at all. In fact, he seemed to be stroking with greater interest. I saw one of his hands move out of the frame, and an instant later, text popped up in the chatbox: hey sexy.
I was glad I had chosen not to turn my microphone on, because I straight-up whimpered at that. Oh, fuck. Not only was a stranger looking at my exposed dick, he really liked what he saw. youre pretty sexy too, I typed back at him one-handedly.
heh yeah you think so? asked my video chat stranger. fuck you’ve got a hot cock. how big?
My dick started leaking precome over the sides of my fingers at that. I could practically hear my heart pounding in my chest. This was real. This stranger not only was looking at my body, he was getting turned on my what he saw. 7 in, I told him. i like your ring.
He laughed, and I was startled to realize I could hear it. I jammed on the volume button, knowing that there was no way my roommates could hear anything, but feeling paranoid anyway. Unlike me, though, this guy had decided to let the sound part of his experience be captured. “Yeah, you can hear me?” he said. His voice was a low grumble, like he had a gaming headset microphone right up against his lips. “You like that? It gets me a lot of attention.”
i bet, I told him as I squeezed my balls, then went back to stroking my shaft.
“You want to suck my cock?” asked the stranger, shifting so his dick was even closer to the webcam. I was sure it was the angle, but fuck, it looked enormous.
yeah, I confessed, before I considered the situation and laughed to myself. i mean if i can fit it in my mouth.
That made the stranger laugh again. He was obviously keeping his voice down, and I figured that he must live somewhere like I did, maybe with roommates or just in an apartment with thin walls. “I’ve never met a guy who had a problem with it before,” he said. “Not if he wanted it bad enough. You want it bad?”
yeah, I told him. I was squeezing my dick harder now, biting my lower lip as I watched him watch me.
“You ever sucked dick before?” he asked.
Of course, I knew I should bluff, make myself sound experienced and cool. This was just some random weirdo on the internet, right? He wouldn’t know if I told him the truth or fed him lines straight from gay Overwatch fanfic, my pleasure reading of choice. no, I confessed anyway, i want to but not yet. Damn my closeted adolescence and my too-busy college schedule, to say nothing of how I was basically convinced that anyone who learned about my exhibition kink would thanks-but-no-thanks me about as quick as the other chat guys had.
“I bet you’d be good,” he said, purring low and soft into his mic. “Can I see your mouth?”
My heart started pounding even faster. On the one hand, I hadn’t planned to show any more than what I’d already got settled in the frame. On the other … well, he wanted me to show off. He wanted me to show off. I practically came in my hand right there as he asked. Instead, I took a deep breath and resituated mysef so that the bottom half of my face appeared in the screen. My room was dark except for the glow of my computer screen, which made the image so strange that I almost didn’t recognize myself.
“Oh, that’s nice,” said the stranger as he continued to jerk his own dick. “Open your lips, let me see your tongue.”
Breathing heavily, I did. I let my tongue slip out from between my lips, thinking about what his pierced dick would taste like in my mouth. Would I be able to taste the metal, or would it all be just salt and skin? Would the piercing be cold, or would his dick warm it up until they had the same heat? Without meaning to, I licked at the air, imagining myself on the ground between his knees.
The stranger laughed kindly and gave me a thumbs-up through the screen. “Look at that. I love a bearded guy. So fucking manly. Let me see your hairy chest too.”
My chest wasn’t Sean-Connery-as-James-Bond hairy, but I had some fur to show for it, and I sat back against the wall behind my bed to let him see. I was far away from the computer now, meaning that I couldn’t respond to him, just hear what he had to say. The thought of this turned me on even more, the idea that I was now getting his commands and had to follow them without complaint. I kept my hands resting on my thighs as my cock stood straight up from my lap.
“Fuck, yeah,” purred the stranger. “Show me how you touch yourself. I want you to jerk off and come all over that hairy chest.”
I’d never considered letting someone watch me jerk off before, and now there was no way I could consider not doing that. I wrapped one hand around my dick and brought the other to my nipple, rolling the little bud between my fingers.
“Oh, you’ve got sensitive nips? That’s fucking great,” said the stranger. His voice was getting breathier, and I could see him jerking himself even faster through the chat site’s connection. “You should get those pierced. Put some little barbells through them. That way everyone could see. Put on a tight t-shirt over it, and no one could miss that.”
My head swam with the idea of walking to class while advertising that I really wanted someone to chew on my nipples. I’d always thought of exhibitionism as being limited to the full flasher-in-a-trenchcoat thing, but this guy had a point. Maybe there were subtle ways to go about it too. Maybe I just hadn’t been opening my mind to the right possibilities.
“You’re so fucking hot,” the stranger told me, which was the first time to my recollection that anyone had said something like that about me. I was usually too plain to be noticed, but here he was, seeing me. Seeing all of me, in fact. That was a hell of a thought.
“You like to get fucked?” asked the stranger.
I was pretty sure that he could do the math and realize that if I hadn’t sucked cock before, the odds were I hadn’t gotten fucked either. But I knew from some practice with some very long, very phallic objects that the answer was yes, so I let go of my nipple long enough to give the camera a thumbs-up.
“Yeah, I bet you do.” I wished I had my headphones on right then, because the way the stranger was practically purring made the tips of my toes tingle. I wanted that sound right up against my ear. “You want this big cock in your ass? You want me to turn on the camera and let everyone watch while I give you the kind of fucking you deserve?”
Oh, fuck, did I want that. I wanted the whole world to see me bent on all fours, while my ass got plowed by this thick, pierced dick. I wanted them all to tune in, jacking and jilling off while they watched me get reamed. I wanted to be seen, and I wanted being seen to turn people on. I didn’t want to have any secrets anymore.
“Hey, you getting ready to come?”
My heart pounding in my chest, I sent him another thumbs-up.
“Can you turn on your mic?” he asked. “I want to hear you when you shoot.”
I scrambled for the settings. Fortunately, the chat program made it as easy to turn the sound back on as it did to leave it off in the first place. I clicked the new option and waited for a second, then saw a little green light by the microphone icon. “Is that okay?” I asked, remembering too late that I should probably be disguising my voice the same way he was. Well, whatever.
“That’s fucking perfect,” said the stranger. “Now lean back against the wall and let me see you. Part your thighs. I want to see right where I’d be sticking my cock. Make some noise. Let me know how much you like it.”
Thanks to five siblings and a small house, I had spent years learning to be stone-silent while I jerked off. Now, however, I opened my mouth and let out a sound I hadn’t known I was capable of making. “Oh, fuck,” I gasped as my hand stroked my cock. I let my knees fall to either side, showing the crack of my ass beneath my balls. “Fuck, I’m going to come.”
“Yeah, fucking come for me,” the stranger said. His own hand was moving faster now, and the sight of him jerking himself off filled his entire screen. “Shoot that load like you’ve got me buried in your ass. Come on, I can see your big balls, they must be full of come. Show me what you’ve got.”
That was all I could take. Closing my eyes, I gasped and arched my back as I came. My cock shot ropes of come all over my bare chest, getting up as high as my shoulders. I had never come this much, or this hard before, and definitely never without finding some way to muffle both the sound and the fluid production of my orgasm. Hiding, though, wasn’t the point anymore. This was about being seen.
“Fuck!” gasped the stranger, and I saw his cock jerk before his own white come started pouring forth. He wasn’t as enthusiastic of an ejaculator as I had been, but judging by the river of come that dripped down his fingers, he had no problem with volume. I licked my lips again, wishing his come could have joined mine across my neck and chest. If I was going to be a mess, after all, I might as well be the best mess I could be.
I slumped against the wall, dazed and post-orgasmic, feeling like a million bucks. Then I heard something that made my heart run cold: “Davin?”
The sound of the word was like getting struck by lightning. I opened my eyes to realize that in my stupor, I’d let more of my body slide into frame — enough, in fact, that my whole head was now a part of the frame. I sat bolt upright again, and that was it; while I maybe could have denied the identification earlier, my reaction to hearing my name spoken made it clear that the stranger had got it right.
Before I could start a full-on panic, though, the stranger reached for his webcam and angled it upward. It took a moment for the lens to adjust to the changed distance and light, but when it did….
“Fuck!” I gasped. “Will?”
There he was, among the losers on a Saturday night. The sight in the dorm room earlier now came into sharper focus: That hadn’t been a man mocking others for fun, but someone with his browser history exposed trying to find some plausible, non-embarrassing reason for visiting an adult site.
“Oh shit, dude,” Will said, but he was smiling. He was clearly wearing a gaming headset, but now he was just speaking in his regular voice. “Fuck, that was the hottest thing I’d ever seen.”
Despite its recent feats, I could feel my cock jerk at that. “Yeah?” I asked, unable to keep a doofy smile from forming on my face. Dammit, I’d done good! “I didn’t know you, um, had a … you know, a–” I pointed downward.
That made Will laugh. “Oh, yeah, I … well, you know, I just figured….” Fuck, was he blushing? He was! The light was as shitty in his room as it was in mine, but there was no denying that his freckled cheeks were turning a deepening pink. “I mean, you know, why not, right?”
“Fuck, that’s hot,” I said, thinking back on what he’d said earlier. “Does it really get you a lot of attention?”
His blush turned all the way from pink to red. “Well, um, I…” It was so cute to hear him stammer, when he’d been so confident earlier. I supposed we had that in common too. Anonymity had given a confidence that identity stripped again. “I mean, you’re … minus the lady who put it in, you’re kind of the first real-life person I know who’s seen it.”
“Wow.” I licked my lips again. “So, you really like hairy guys?”
Will nodded a little sheepishly. “I mean … I like a lot of things. But hairy guys, yeah. That’s big on the list.”
I looked down at my own hairy chest, which was now sticky with come, then back at the camera. Our dorms were only a five-minute walk apart. “Do, um,” I said, pointing at the space on the bed next to me, “do you maybe want to come over on this side of the camera with me? See if there’s any other losers on tonight who might like a double feature?” When I saw a moment of hesitation cross his face, I was quick to add, “I mean, just for jerking off, maybe jerking each other off, if we decide we feel like it. Because … well, if I’m the first non-piercer person who’s seen your dick, and you’re the first non-parent person who’s seen mine, I figure we’re both good at talking a bigger game than we’re ready to play just yet.”
Obvious relief flooded Will’s expression, and I understood every inch of it. “Yeah,” he said, running his non-come-soaked fingers back through his hair. “Yeah, I think I’d like that. A lot.”
“Then come on,” I said with a grin. “I’ll keep the chat fires burning, see if I can maybe find someone else who’d like to look.”
Will smiled at me through the connection, and I saw a lot of things there — but first and foremost among them, relief. I was learning tonight that it was great to have someone look at you, but it was even better to have someone actually see you. “Be there soon,” he said, blowing a kiss. I reached up and plucked it from the air just as his side of the screen went dark, knowing that it wouldn’t stay that way forever. I wouldn’t have to worry again about secrets, not when I knew now how to find somebody who really wanted to watch.