by Aosora Hikaru (青空ヒカル)
(mirrors http://s2b2.livejournal.com/339825.html)
“Hey, August.”
I glanced up from my plate, the half-formed thought about how delicious my food was dissipating into thin air. I made an inquisitive noise around my mouthful of food, but otherwise didn’t stop eating while I waited for Cam to continue.
“How do you feel about roleplay?” The table creaked as Cam leaned forward and planted their elbows onto the surface.
I let my eyes slide up to meet theirs, and a wide grin played at their lips. The expression on their face said everything I needed to know about the context of that question. This wouldn’t be a talk about Dungeons and Dragons or World of Warcraft or whatever. I bit my lip and took a deep breath, then set the fork down onto the dessert plate. They’d been kind enough to bring home a way-too-gooey danish from the coffee shop after their morning shift, and I realized now that it was an opening for them to probe. Not that I minded, of course, but they definitely could have asked without bribing me with sweets. “I’ve never done it before,” I answered honestly.
Their eyes grew wide, and Cam blinked a few times. “Really? Not even with… oh man, what’s her name, that one ex of yours you always said was adventurous?”
“Olivia. And no, she and I never tried that.” Cam opened their mouth to ask something else and I put a hand up to stop them. “Joe and I never did either, so don’t ask about him.”
“Wow, August. I can’t believe you’ve never tried it, even with how much you’ve loved to experiment with me. I kind of figured that had extended to the other people you’ve been with, too.”
I shifted in my chair and tried not to grimace. I hadn’t experimented much before, it was true. Prior experiences with exes may have never strayed far beyond whatever basic cable presented as kinky, but it still set me on edge to have it pointed out so bluntly. “I mean, it’s not like I’ve never tried anything but boring vanilla stuff–”
“I know,” Cam said, holding up their own hands in a much more reassuring way than I had before. “I’m not judging you. It’s just… It’s fun to find new things to do with you that you’ve never tried before.” They grinned, and I could hear the laughter hiding in their voice. “That list is, after all, rapidly shrinking.”
I couldn’t help it, I had to smile. It was fun to discover new things with Cam. Not that I had been some blushing inexperienced virgin before — blushing yes, inexperienced virgin no — but Cam’s imagination naturally trended more toward the kinky than my own did. Obviously this roleplaying idea had the potential for massive amounts of kink.
“So what sort of roleplay were you thinking of?” I slid the plate out of the way so I could also lean onto the table, a lopsided grin pulling at one side of my lips. “Are we talking like… like naughty student and strict teacher? Do I get to see you in a French maid costume? Or — ooh, are you going to dress up like a big beefy firefighter? I wouldn’t be opposed to that.”
Cam laughed as they leaned back and ran a hand through their loose blond hair. They hadn’t cut it in a while, and it brushed their shoulders. I had to forcefully bring myself back to the present when they began to speak again, or else I’d ignore them just to stare at the strands slipping through their fingers. “I mean, not that those don’t sound appealing, but I had something else in mind.”
“Like what?”
They cleared their throat, then straightened up. “Don’t laugh, okay, but I always thought it’d be fun to… to maybe pretend to be a secret agent. One who–” They stopped to laugh, shook their head, then continued. “One who kind of sucks at their job, and gets caught by the villain.”
I pressed my lips together and leaned back in my chair. It wasn’t often that Cam talked about being the more submissive of the pair. As they’d said on our first date, I tended to lock up when presented with choice. Our sex life tended to involve consenting to not being allowed to make choices, and this fantasy they’d laid out was the opposite of that. I struggled to imagine myself having any measure of control over Cam. “So… what would this villain do, once they’ve caught this cute yet incompetent secret agent?”
Cam stared at me, their brow furrowed, and blinked a couple of times. “Well… I mean, whatever they want, right? If you’ve got a secret agent locked up in your presumably impressive evil lab… you’d have lots of possibilities, right? You’d really only be held back by your imagination.”
Ah, I’d erred by asking that question. That was why I was never in charge. “Or your imagination,” I said with a smile.
“Yeah, you’re right. I wouldn’t be the cute yet incompetent secret agent. You would.” They grinned again and leaned forward onto the table. Their green eyes were wide with excitement, and I only managed to tear my gaze away when they flicked their tongue out to wet their lips. “Trust me, I’ve got all sorts of ideas as to what I could do with you, August.”
It was as though the bottom dropped out from under my stomach. I sucked in a quick breath to steady myself. My heart pounded in my ears and I forced myself to relax my hands from where they’d suddenly gripped the edges of the table. I don’t know how they always did this to me, how they could spin an idea with only a handful of words and set a blaze of desire in my very soul. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out, just a soft moan. I was showing my hand too early here, like I always did, but they knew that when it came to them I had no poker face.
They grinned at me, and in their eyes I could see the shift as they fell into their role of leader, of controller, of dominant. This game would be played tonight, that much was obvious to me now. I had no complaints.
I drew a deep breath and tried to speak again. “Where do you want me?” The words came out barely more than a whisper, but out they came nonetheless.
“I want you in the bedroom, I think,” Cam said. They pushed their chair back from the table and walked around to stand next to mine. They ran their fingertips along the edge of my undercut, where the longer hair on top met the buzzed sides. I shivered and moaned again as I leaned into their touch. They leaned in close and chuckled, their breath brushing my ear. “Don’t take off that shirt and tie. From this point on, you are a cute yet incompetent secret agent, who I have caught in my trap. Clear?”
I nodded, forcing out more words at barely above a breathy whisper. “Yes, we’re clear.”
“Into the bedroom, and get on the bed. I’ll be in in just a minute.”
They stepped away to give me a chance to comply. Though they were quiet I could feel their gaze upon me, boring into the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath, willing some of the tension and nervous anticipation to bleed out of me. I took longer to settle than Cam wanted me to take, and behind me they cleared their throat as warning. I pushed the chair back and stood slowly, then started toward the bedroom. Almost out of habit I reached up to loosen my tie, but stopped short when I remembered my specific instruction to leave it on at the last second. Through the blood pounding in my ears, I could pick out Cam making a soft sound of approval.
I took one final breath before heading into the bedroom. I could hear their footfalls behind me, though they turned to go into the bathroom before I made it into the bedroom. I stood in the doorway and stared at the bed, letting the sinking feeling wash over me, pulling me down into the role I’d been assigned. I could hear them finishing up in the bathroom — sounded like they’d brushed their teeth, maybe, or just washed their hands — and I knew I needed to get onto the bed before they made it in. I crawled up onto the mattress and sat cross-legged in the center of the bed.
“Well done,” they said from the doorway, their voice a smooth purr with that teasing, dangerous grin I loved on their face. “Though I would prefer if you were sitting up against the headboard.”
I glanced behind me at the large slatted headboard, and felt a flush spreading up my neck from under my shirt collar. I should have known better; Cam had never once asked me just to sit in the center of the bed if we played these games of command and control. I unfolded my legs and scooted back, draping my arms over the top of the headboard and stretching my legs out in front of me.
“There, just like that,” they said, their voice again smooth as silk with that undercurrent of attraction. I don’t know where they learned that tone of voice, but it worked to push every single one of my follow my directions and do as I say and I’ll make the decisions here buttons. They reached out to stroke a hand across my cheek and I let my eyes drift closed, leaning into their touch again with a soft moan. “Such a good boy,” they murmured.
“Thank you,” I whispered. This wasn’t a rule that had been instituted tonight, but it had been a requirement in the past. Then again, would a secret agent being held hostage thank his captor, even if it were a compliment? I supposed not, and I waited for the inevitable reprimand.
The hand rubbing over my cheek grew more rough, the skin scraping against my five o’clock shadow, then they turned my face to theirs. I opened my eyes to find a tight, cruel smile pulling at their lips. “Ah, but you won’t thank me for the rest of this, I’m sure.”
I swallowed hard, then shook my head the smallest bit.
“Before we start, I want to make sure. You want this, yes?”
I nodded. “Yes, please. I want to play this game with you.”
They smiled again, less cruel and more reassuring this time. “And your word?”
“Arrêt.”
They gave one single nod. “Would you be okay with being tied up for this particular game?”
I hadn’t been restrained before, not seriously. An ex or two had pulled out silly fuzzy handcuffs of the sort you could unlatch even without the key, but up until now with Cam it had all been me being required to hold onto things or stay in place. They’d never actually tied me up before. The thought thrilled me in a way I hadn’t expected it to, considering how foreign the concept was.
I nodded again, more enthusiastically this time. “Yes, please.”
It occurred to me that I had never seen a rope in Cam’s possession, and I wondered where they kept it here in their apartment. I bit my lip and tightened my grip on the headboard as they turned away to fetch the rope. They opened their closet and bent to dig through the assorted clutter on the floor.
I could feel myself starting to come out of the zone I’d retreated to deep in my head, and decided next time I should make sure they were prepared before we started these sorts of games. It was a major mood killer, sitting there with a quickly fading hard-on while they searched for something with which to restrain me.
Right when I was about to speak up to this effect they straightened again, a long coil of soft rope in their hands. The sudden lurch in my stomach again reminded me abruptly that I hadn’t participated in real bondage before, and I took the time to reassure myself that they knew what they were doing, and if I wanted out for whatever reason I had a word that could stop it at any time.
“Good job,” they murmured as they ran a hand over one of my arms. “I didn’t even have to remind you to keep your hands still.”
I felt another blush spreading up my cheeks and I ducked my head to try to hide it as they began to wrap the rope around my wrists. It didn’t take long for them to prove my suspicion that they’d done this before, because within a few minutes I had my wrists bound to the headboard tight enough to let me feel restrained and controlled, but loose enough that I didn’t feel in any danger of losing circulation, even if I struggled. I pulled against them just to test the feel, and it was as though that restraint went all the way down to my dick from the way my pants grew tighter. Those imaginary waves pulled me down into that place of peace as if the headboard itself were the anchor dragging me under.
Cam let their hands ghost over my arms again, and they moved slowly, so slowly, to settle themselves onto my lap, straddling my thighs. They were much smaller than me, but they always managed to put just the right amount of pressure onto me any time they did this. “And now, I have you right where I want you.”
I bit my lip to muffle a groan as their weight pressed down in just the right place and I had to consciously keep from rolling my hips up to meet them — after all, someone being held captive wouldn’t go along with their captor’s sexual advances. Not immediately, anyway.
They grinned and purposely rocked down against me again. “You liked that.”
I groaned again and squeezed my eyes shut to block at least that sense out while I tried to compose myself. It took too much focus to keep from responding to their movements and taunts. It felt as though I were not only fighting against the imaginary evil villain, but also that space my mind longed to retreat to, where nothing but them and their requests and commands mattered.
The wave of sensation passed and I opened my eyes again to find Cam closer yet. They ghosted a kiss across my lips, soft and gentle and more as though they were asking permission rather than taking what they wanted. I started to return the kiss then froze. I’d forgotten again I was playing a role, and had let myself slide under the tide of Cam’s will. I could refuse this kiss and it would be part of the game, not a true rejection. I turned my face, letting Cam’s lips slide across my cheek to my ear.
“You like this too,” they murmured there, their breath warm against my ear. “You probably let me catch you on purpose just so you could be tied up here, hard and vulnerable under me.”
I shuddered and drew in a gasp as I let my eyes slide closed. I did feel so vulnerable there, tied up and at their mercy, and truthfully had never felt so turned on in my entire life. I wanted to play the game with them, but at the same time I also would not have been opposed to them just fucking the ever-living hell out of me, either.
They chuckled into my ear, and the dark undercurrent to the humor sent chills down my spine. Their hand slid up my chest and over the tie knotted at my throat, and the feel of the knot pressing against my skin sent my stomach into a freefall.
“Mm, I see what that does to you,” Cam whispered as they pressed their hips down against mine. “You’re so fucking hard right now. You definitely let me catch you, didn’t you? You probably dreamed about me keeping you here, didn’t you? Just using you as a thing only existing for my own pleasure? Maybe just pleasuring myself on you until I come, and leaving you with nothing?”
I bit my lip as I whimpered. I didn’t want to argue any of their taunts, because it was the truth — I had, after all, let them tie me up here, and I did, after all, love when they talked to me like this. On the other hand, would the secret agent version of me have really tried to be caught on purpose? I tried to scrape up the brain cells to string a coherent thought together, and decided that yeah, I probably would have let the evil mastermind Cam catch me, as long as they never stopped doing what they were doing right now.
They tugged on my tie to pull me into another kiss and I didn’t dodge this one, but I managed to find enough autonomy to not return it as enthusiastically as I would have were we not playing this particular game. Their tongue thrusted roughly into my mouth and I merely received it, though I couldn’t stop myself from rocking my hips up against them.
“You want me to let you come once I’m done, don’t you?” They murmured against my lips.
“Please.” It took every bit of conscious thought to force that word out.
“No.”
I grit my teeth as I rocked up against them again. “Please,” I said again, firmer this time.
They let go of my tie to grasp a handful of my hair and tugged on it hard enough to get my attention. I opened my eyes to find them staring directly into mine.
“I said no,” they said softly, dangerously. “And if you do come without my permission… well. I think you’d rather your belt stayed where it belongs.”
Oh, so it would be impact play if I failed. That was new. The play-as-punishment part, anyway. We’d done impact play before, but never under these sorts of terms. I couldn’t help the whimper that slipped out in nervous anticipation. I didn’t intend to test their limits, but I wasn’t opposed to the idea of getting the belt to my ass if I made such a grievous error. Besides, the word would be my safety net if we jumped for that particular trapeze.
They gave me that cruel smile again. “So we’re in agreement, then: you don’t get to come until I tell you that you may.”
I nodded, as much as I could against that hand in my hair.
They kissed me again, harder this time, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing them back. A soft groan slipped out as I rocked up against them, my hands tightening uselessly on the top of the headboard.
“Are you really that eager for the belt?” They murmured against my lips. “You ought to be careful…”
I gasped, my eyes slitting open to look at them as I slowed the roll of my hips even as I couldn’t stop it entirely. I really wasn’t all that eager for the belt, all things considered. I probably wouldn’t get to enjoy them fucking me if I disobeyed by coming without permission, and that was the last thing I wanted tonight.
They grinned and slid off my crotch, shifting themselves to straddle one leg instead. With that hand still firm in my hair, still controlling where I could look and what I could do, they looked into my eyes. “Look at me, August.”
I struggled to open them the rest of the way, my breath starting to come in a more shallow and rapid pace. This, the idea of watching them just use me like an object for their own pleasure, was all I needed to push me the rest of the way down deep into my mind. I couldn’t have summoned up any more rebellion even if I’d been commanded to.
Once they were satisfied with my level of eye contact they began to move, rolling their hips to grind themselves against my thigh. Their grip on my hair grew tighter as their breathing began to pick up. The combination of it all: the way I was tied up, the way they had the grip on my hair, the way I was forced to keep eye contact, the way I was nothing more than a thing for them to use to get off, all blended together into a powerful haze of arousal that overwhelmed every one of my senses. I struggled to keep my eyes open, staring into theirs, as they moved faster against my thigh. They pressed their weight down against my leg hard, and their lips parted as they gasped for breath with each movement.
While they rubbed against my leg time seemed to hang in a sort of purgatory where it moved, but only as fast and as slow as it wanted. I rode the feeling of being used, allowing myself to sink further and further down into my own head, becoming nothing more than the thing they’d said I was. A sheen of sweat had formed across their forehead and arms from the exertion. When they came they let out a shout, their eyes slamming closed as they yanked my head back unconsciously.
I waited in silence while they gathered themselves again, leaving my head back where they’d pulled it, gaze focused toward the ceiling. I didn’t want to close my eyes since I’d specifically been instructed to look at them, even if it was impossible in my current position. After a few minutes their breathing slowed down again, and they loosened their grip on my hair. I lowered my head again to find a small smile pulling at their lips.
“Would you like to come, August?”
I managed a small nod against their hand. “Please.”
They slid off of my thigh, and reached for the waistband of my jeans. I bit my lip in anticipation as they first opened the belt, then undid the button and zipper. Once they parted the fly I felt my dick poke through, stretching against the cotton of my underwear. I let out a soft groan, rocking my hips up into nothing as I gripped the headboard again hard.
“August, I want you to look at me,” Cam said again. “I want to watch as you come.”
I nodded. Nothing mattered more than following their instruction, especially when I had an orgasm on the line.
They pulled the waistband of my underwear down under my cock and wrapped their hand around it. Their strokes started slowly, more teasing than intending to drive me to the edge. I whimpered, but otherwise did nothing to ask for more; Cam was in control of this and I just had to wait it out. They hadn’t said I wouldn’t get to come at all, just not until they said I could.
When I did let out that whimper, they laughed quietly but didn’t move their hand any faster. “You must be so impatient. You’re so ready to come, aren’t you?”
I spoke that one single word again, unthinkingly, the only one I could manage through the haze in my mind. “Please.”
They drew it out a few minutes longer, then began to move their hand faster. The sudden increase in stimulation wrenched a strangled groan from my lips, and I lifted my hips to meet each one of their strokes. I knew the game Cam played now — I would have a very, very hard time keeping to their requirements of eye contact and resisting my orgasm.
I struggled to keep my eyes open, to meet their gaze, as I clawed at the headboard. My breath slashed between my teeth, peppered with loud groans each time they curled their hand around the head of my cock. It was exquisite torture to endure this, and I fought to keep myself grounded.
Cam slowed the strokes of their hand again and I nearly sobbed at the lack of pleasure. “Please,” I begged, pushing my hips up to move my dick through their fist. “Please!”
They gave me another tight smile, then picked up the pace once more. “Go, August.”
It was harder to seek my peak while maintaining the eye contact I’d been commanded to keep, and I grit my teeth again hard as I gave myself over to the sensation. It took a few minutes of Cam pumping their hand along my cock but finally I fell over the precipice. A raw scream tore itself from my throat as my fingers clawed against the headboard, my feet scrabbling against the sheets. Wave after wave of the orgasm rippled through my consciousness until I slumped, supported only by my arms where they were restrained.
“Such a good boy,” Cam murmured as they shifted up, immediately beginning the process of untying me. Their fingers were deft, and it took only a few moments for me to be released. They rubbed each arm as it was released, easing the sensation and normal blood flow back into them, then guided me down onto the mattress with them.
I curled myself up in their arms, burying my face in the crook of their neck. They rubbed their hands over my arms, anywhere they could reach, murmuring soft reassurances and praise. It was always a process to find my way back from the place I let myself go in my mind when we played these games, but Cam knew just what to do to help guide me. They let me lay there in silence while I slowly put myself back together.
At length, I raised my head and blinked a few times. “Thank you,” I said.
They canted their head to the side slightly and smiled. “What are you thanking me for?”
“Taking care of me. You always do such a good job of taking care of me. Especially after we play these games.”
Their smile spread into a grin, and Cam bent to kiss me softly. This kiss I did not dodge, or merely receive — this kiss I returned with full passion. They slipped their fingers against my scalp, thumb resting in the ends of the longer hair hanging down. When they pulled back again they straightened my glasses. “That’s my job, August.”
I smiled in return and nodded. “Yeah, I know it is. I appreciate you helping me to… get out of my head. Not worry about anything.”
“You’re welcome,” Cam said. “So, then. Want some coffee?”
Read this piece’s entry in the Shousetsu Bang*Bang wiki.
