My Hawk

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My Hawk is a story written by Natsumachi and illustrated by beili. It ran in Issue 49 at, and is mirrored at Also available on AO3 with content tags.


Rostem is unexpectedly confronted by a young man claiming to be his son, whom he hasn't seen since he was a baby.

"What's Blond Ali up to? Are you trying to run away? Is your ass going to bring me anything but trouble? He didn't say any of those things.

"Where are you staying?" Rostem asked.

"I booked at a serviced apartment, but I haven't checked in yet."

"You thought you'd still get in at this time? Forget it."

This boy had really been distracted from practical considerations, even from eating a meal. Which was why Rostem was sitting in a café in the middle of the night with this boy who called himself Sohran and looked irritated even while eating chicken pudding under his hospitality."

Related Links[edit]

This story has been featured on Goodreads.


Set after Tiştên Negotî (Words Not Needed), which also features Sohran as a main character.

Author's Note[edit]

Whenever I get talking with a friend about incest BL and checking summaries there's some airing of unfulfilled cravings for lighter, fluffier incest BL. So on a whim I ran with the 'daddy issue' theme and tried to get on with the fluff. It went wonky for a while as I wanted to write a bunch of stuff, road trip and all the sex, and rushed through scenes until the word count was at an awkward 12k. I was distressed, but the editor(s?) guided me towards reason. So I downsized and just dug into the comfort and fluff between father and son at their early stage.

Anyway, the title is a not-even-subtle rip-off of "Memed, My Hawk" (by Yaşar Kemal), which has the original title "İnce Memed", i.e. Slim Memed (you see where I'm going with this, though no it's not thinly veiled fanfic). Originally "My Hawk" was just the working title, but I got attached to it. Also I was thinking quite a bit about bird-related things during planning. Like the proverb that seems to reassure parents that their grown children won't stay away for ever: "Birds fly away, but they come back to their nests." And the story in 1001 Nights about King Sindbad and his falcon.

Around that time I also got into Taha Muhammad Ali's poetry, which has quite a lot of bird imagery as well, and was pinging really hard with Rostem's youthful poetic side. I had the line "During the winter, strange birds seeking refuge arrive... and also birds of prey" written up where I often read it. But it continues
"and some that are sad and frail
and hold you spellbound in their goodness
gathering pebbles and grain,
and trembling in the tremendous cold
and out of a sense of profound strangeness--" (from The Fourth Qasida)

That my story doesn't actually mention birds at all is... awkward.

I was having a little laugh with the working-name Rostem (Rostam), but then I got attached to that as well. Rather than some less obviously father/son issues-related name. Despite the names though this is definitely not a modern take on that Shahnama episode. Let's be real, Rostem isn't as badass as Papa Pehliva, and Sohran has nothing on Sohrab's sass. Also no tragic ending! But tiny bits of the mythology did come through I guess.

Related Links[edit]

The writing bgm (on 8tracks)