Mister Seagull Gives No Fucks
Mister Seagull Gives No Fucks is a story written by Roumonte Emi and illustrated by erli. It ran in Issue 32 at http://s2b2.livejournal.com/185912.html, and is mirrored at http://www.shousetsubangbang.com/mirror/mister-seagull-gives-no-fucks/.
From pinboard.in: "really excellent student/teacher hatesex (the rimming part is the BEST)"
Way back when I was a freshman in high school, I had this math teacher named Mr. Siegal. Mr. Siegal was a hardass. You hear stories about hardass teachers sometimes, the ones that push their students hard and take no shit and never let up and turn out to be the best, most inspiring teachers a guy could ever have--well, that wasn't the kind of hardass that Mr. Siegal was. Mr. Siegal was a hardass because he wanted everybody else to be just as miserable as he was. Later on I found out that he'd burned out on his PhD program and had to grab the first job that came along that he was qualified for, but all I knew back then was that he hated everything, including his job and us. We didn't like him much, either.
Following in the spirit of Coming Undone, more short, straightforward, pointless porn. Everything you need to know about this story is summed up in the very first line.
Warnings: porn—also pretty unremittingly doofy
Yes, I wrote an entire story just to make a dumb joke. Actually, I wrote the story to take advantage of the title, which popped fully-formed into my head when I was watching a real seagull give no fucks about something. I'm normally pretty bad at thinking up titles, so when my brain and the universe hand me one, I try to run with it.
In my head, our narrator's name is Danny. I guess I could have mentioned it somewhere, but it didn't seem important.