Long Distance

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Long Distance is a story written and illustrated by Iron Eater. It originally ran in Yes, And 3 at http://s2b2.livejournal.com/313002.html, and is mirrored at http://www.shousetsubangbang.com/mirror/long-distance/.


A young programmer prepares to see her new beau, but with one big issue on her mind: she's never dated a human before.

At least Azi's xenobiology background was useful for something outside an academic environment. "Oh, you know. Two arms, two legs, one head, skeleton on the inside, squishy and soft on the outside, still startlingly unkillable despite everything." She wiggled her claws over her trackball and hotkeyed through her tabs to further the illusion of being so very, very busy, so busy there just wasn't time for small talk, what a shame. "We share compatible gas exchanges and pressure tolerance zones, and I liked our conversations through WT even though the latency gets gnarly on the freebie version, so: coffee."

From http://fairyninjas.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/circus-maximus-ssbb-yes-and-3/: "This was a clever one about a…something that joins an interdimensional dating website, and then goes on a couple of dates with a human, even though that human uses their mouth for all sorts of things, and not just eating."


This story has no connections to other stories or characters.

Related Links[edit]

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Author's Notes[edit]

Yes, it's yet another Iron Eater story from an unusual perspective that talks about how weird humans are! Gotta stay on brand.

This blasted thing fought me a bit, and a few times I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to have anything done on time, but fortune prevailed. Never underestimate the value of complaining over Twitter!

Azi is one of the few creatures I've designed that I didn't intentionally try to draw at any point; by keeping her appearance vague I could glom on weird new anatomy or strange biological traits whenever I felt like it, which was freeing for a change. It's safe to assume she's much bigger than a normal human but can still fit into a hotel room, that she has a great many teeth and claws, and that it's fortunate she doesn't need glasses because that's a lot of eyes we'd be dealing with.

Quinn's pronouns were not derived from anyone's that I know, though whether or not vus are entirely original to vum is up for debate. Vus fashion sense is also not meant to be anyone in particular but is probably subconsciously inspired by Sparklebeard's.

I knew with this story I wanted to have a non-human character and I also wanted someone not on the gender binary; having read friends' woes over how nonbinary characters are regularly made anything but human I knew that I wanted my alien to use typical pronouns and identify as female (even if what we'd consider female and what she is are probably very different!). Similarly, I didn't want Quinn's body to be any sort of gross "what vu really is" nonsense, thus why the reader gets only a token summary of what's going on. Quinn is a mystery and vu likes it that way!

The restaurant is more or less Medieval Times with a Greco-Roman theme, with some period Crete thrown in for fun and bull-jumping.