Don't Panic is a story written by Domashita Romero. It ran in Issue 30 at http://s2b2.livejournal.com/175717.html, and is mirrored at http://www.shousetsubangbang.com/mirror/dont-panic/.
From the author: "So maybe you’re saying to yourself, say, you know The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? I like that, but what if it had more gay sex? Well, pal, this story is for you."
From delicious.com: "Thinking the end of the world is nigh, an alien grabs his favorite human and gets the heck off earth."
- pinboard.in: "Far back in the uncharted backwaters of the western spiral arm of the galaxy.... wait, no, I misread."