...But You Can't Take Him Out
...But You Can't Take Him Out is a story written by Tsukizubon Saruko. It ran in Issue 11 at http://s2b2.livejournal.com/54118.html, and is mirrored at http://www.shousetsubangbang.com/mirror/but-you-cant-take-him-out/.
...But You Can't Take Him Out has a short prequel, Christmas.
If you think you recognize characters who aren't mine, you probably do. If you think you recognize real life people who definitely aren't mine, you probably do too. If you think that is a lot of throwaway untranslated Spanish, you don't even know how much I stopped myself from using.
OH MY GOD I LEFT SO MUCH OUT OF THIS STORY. SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. ESPERANZA BEING AN EX-FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR WAS NOT A DEUS EX MACHINA, IT WAS THE TIP OF THE FREAKING ICEBERG. LUPITA IS NOT ACTUALLY TRANS, JUST AN OLD-SCHOOL GHETTO GAY AND DRAG QUEEN, AND SHE WAS ACTUALLY AT STONEWALL, SHE WAS LIKE SEVENTEEN OR SO AND HAD JUST RUN AWAY FROM HOME AND THOUGH IT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU'D EXPECT LUPITA TO BRAG ABOUT SHE NEVER TALKS ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT WAS THE MOST TERRIFIED SHE CAN EVER REMEMBER BEING AND IT BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES. BUT SHE SPIT ON A COP. ALSO SHE IS ACTUALLY MEXICAN, UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT HIKARU, WHO ARE PUERTO RICAN. CARLOS IS A BANK TELLER FROM QUEENS AND ALL HIS COWORKERS THREW HIM A PARTY AFTER HE AND HIS BOYFRIEND DROVE TO MASSACHUSETTS TO GET MARRIED. ESPERANZA IS LIKE FOURTH-GENERATION AMERICAN AND BARELY EVEN SPEAKS SPANISH, AND HER BIRTH NAME WAS EMILIO. JONNY WENT TO TISCH AT NYU, IS ACTUALLY BISEXUAL AND WANTS TO BE A PERFORMANCE ARTIST, AND LIVES NEAR ASTOR PLACE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THEY ARE INSUFFERABLE HIPSTERS AND HAVE TWO TOY POODLES THEY DRESS UP IN INSUFFERABLE HIPSTER OUTFITS. THERE ARE ALSO A COUPLE OTHER PERFORMERS I DID NOT BOTHER TO MAKE UP BUT THAT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.
To keep things together, I had to base the way Hikaru talked in English on the way ladysisyphus's aunt talks, as she has been in the U.S. for about the same length of time and has been immersed to a comparable degree. ...Accounting, though, for the fact that Hikaru would have picked up more vulgarity than Priti has. Also note that he has started to swear like a Puerto Rican?
This story was sponsored by: Wikipedia, my dissertation research, and like seven different Spanish slang websites.
- http://demoerin.livejournal.com/26896.html: "Ex-assassin and boyfriend try to make it out alive ... Mostly I like the drag queen."