by Kimyō Tabibito (奇妙 旅人)
“And if you enjoyed this video, remember to like and subscribe! I’ll be back next week with a special episode of Decolonizing your Food with Dr. Boyfriend.” Ravi winked at the camera as he wrapped up his filming. It was still a shock, sometimes, to look at the view counts and realize he’d launched his Vine popularity and quarterfinalist run on America’s Got Cookies into a successful career. Stranger to also realize that same run on America’s Got Cookies introduced him to Dr. Boyfriend, and see himself suddenly moving from Queens to the middle of nowhere, Arizona. But it was good. It was very good. He flipped off his cameras, a smile tugging up the corners of his lips.
He took a moment to just flop face down on the sofa, even though Dr. Boyfriend himself would be coming home shortly. The bright side of filming the latest episodes of Ravenous with Ravi meant that there was dinner ready to go. He just had to… get up and set the table. But he was still stuck on work. The editing, including their episode on Chicanx food culture in America that Mark, Dr. Boyfriend himself, had scripted. Then there was the anonymous kink blog and the boxes of lingerie and sex toys that had arrived to be reviewed… which was way more interesting than editing video.
“What if I just took a nap first?” Ravi asked himself, but the front door opened and Wishbone, their rangy shepard mix, ran toward the door and started to bark happily.
Mark — Dr. Boyfriend, runner up of America’s Got Cookies, Diné Language and Studies professor, and more importantly Ravi’s partner — closed the door behind him. He knelt down to greet Wishbone, kissing the top of her head as she did her happy puppy dance around her human. “Hi! Hi sweetheart, who’s my good girl? Were you a good dog today? Did you behave yourself?” Wishbone barked happily and started chasing her tail in an excited frenzy before darting back into the living room to find her other human, frantic claws tap-tapping on the floor.
Ravi lifted his head to watch Mark with a goofy smile. Mark set down his work bag, kicked off his shoes, and stepped down into the living room to smile back at Ravi. “And how’s my good Ravi? Behave yourself today?”
Ravi groaned. “I filmed three episodes of Ravenous with Ravi and I’m dead. You’re dating a ghost, RIP me.” He closed his eyes and stuck his tongue out, limbs going lose as he played dead. He cracked an eye back open. “But there is fresh chapati and you can’t eat them all. You have to leave some in offering to me.”
“Mm, but if you’re a ghost then are you even capable of eating?” He smiled, fond and affectionate, at Ravi before heading over to the kitchen and finding the still-warm chapati wrapped in tinfoil on top of the stove. “…Ravi, how many batches of these did you make?”
“Do you know how many takes I had to film?” Ravi’s head popped up over the back of the couch and he looked at Mark across the kitchen island. “There are two servings of matar paneer, too. And about six dozen cookies.” He flashed Mark an irrepressible grin. “You know what filming days are like.” The chapati tinfoil packages took up the whole of the stovetop.
“Oh, only six dozen?” Mark shook his head before making himself a plate of leftovers. “Good to know we don’t need to cook this weekend.” He sat on the couch and offered Ravi a bit of chapati between his fingers. “I take it you’ve already eaten.”
“Kind of?” Ravi sat up, only enough to lean forward to take the flatbread from Mark’s fingers with his mouth. He resettled so his head was in Mark’s lap and the rest of his lanky body was still sprawled out across the sofa. “I tasted as I went, and had a couple of shots where I ate for the camera. I wouldn’t complain if you felt the need to hand feed me a little more.” He batted his eyelashes, thickened with mascara for the camera, and then winked. “I mean, I know you hate anything like that,” he teased.
“Just as much as you hate being doted upon, I know it’s such an inconvenience for you.” He broke off another piece and offered it to Ravi, who took from his fingers. Ravi watched the knowing smile on Mark’s lips, wondering if Mark had made any plans for their night or if he’d be open to improvising with the packages on the side table.
Ravi took his time to chew, enjoying the recipe he’d adapted from his nani. “Isn’t it awful how badly suited we are? We’re the worst,” he said, even as he nuzzled into Mark’s stomach.
“Is that why all your followers called us a power couple the last time you uploaded a video of us to – oh, what is it you kids are on these days, MyFaceInATube?”
“Oh my god Mark,” Ravi groaned. “You’re an old millennial but you’re still a millennial! Why do you torture me so?” He flopped across his lap, sighing as if the weight of the world was pressing down on his shoulders. This was an old routine, a comfortable one. Ravi made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “See if I pay for utilities with my YouTube income, next time the bill is due.”
“You’re cute when you’re being tortured,” he said, hand coming down to toy with Ravi’s hair, tugging at the not quite curls. “And apparently I’m very susceptible to cute Ravis. Don’t tell anyone. It’s Dr. Boyfriend’s only weakness.”
“You say that like Dr. Boyfriend is a superhero.” He squinted up at Mark, dubious. “You’re just lucky I put up with your awful sense of humor. Now, feed me.” Ravi opened his mouth expectantly for another bite of chapati and matar paneer. It was his baby bird routine: cheep cheep, feed me.
“Mm, maybe once I’m done.” Mark fed himself instead and reached for the closest package. “What’s this one?”
Ravi, for all his playing around, closed his mouth and waited. Good things came to Ravis who waited; he’d been with Mark long enough to know by this point. “Ohh, very good things, I think. I stopped at the PO box today before I filmed. One is from Rocks Off, ah, a chastity device and one of those metal wands?” He didn’t flush. His face absolutely didn’t get hot at the idea of those toys being used in conjunction on him.
“Is that the adult toy subscription box you’ve been wanting to test for so long?”
“No, it’s free, for a review. It’s a part of their whole affiliates program. So anyone who buys toys through our links in the reviews is giving us a kickback. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, Mister Facetube, excuse me, Doctor Facetube, AKA I don’t know anything about the internet because I’m ancient of days.”
Ravi reached for the other waiting package and upon seeing the label, flushed immediately.
“What?” Mark asked. “What is it?”
Ravi sighed, because it meant he’d have to talk about things. Which was fine, because Mark was easy to talk to, but this particular subject was never easy. “Finish your supper and then feed me, and maybe I’ll tell you,” he said, mischief in his voice chasing away any nerves. “I’m hungry.”
Mark’s expression indicated that he was certainly considering just ordering Ravi to tell him, but refrained out of a sense of good sportsmanship. (Besides, food was one of their love languages.) Mark split the rest of the meal between the both of them, hand-feeding Ravi. Ravi kept the package cradled his arms as he ate from Mark’s fingers, a sweet and sappy smile plastered all over his face.
“Now,” Mark asked once they’d both had their fill, “will you tell me what’s in that package, because I’ve been a good Dr. Boyfriend?”
“Yes, but you have to go wash your hands while I open it,” Ravi said as he shifted so Mark could get off the sofa. “It’s the lingerie we ordered from that Etsy shop I found a while back. Or it should be.” With the help of his keys, Ravi ripped into the package to expose rainbow glitter tissue paper. It was surprising that more things in the world Ravi touched didn’t come with rainbow glitter tissue paper somewhere within their depths, given how well that material represented him.
Mark washed his hands and came back to sit beside Ravi, peering at the package. “The custom order, right? The one where you squirmed so much we almost couldn’t take the measurements?”
“Yes!” Ravi’s voice squeaked as he peeled back the tissue paper to expose a dusky pink spill of satin and lace. “That one.” He stared into the box like it might bite him and then pushed it over to Mark. “You take it out.” His voice had gone high from nerves and it was a fair bit of effort not to start fidgeting right then and there.
Mark looked at him with fondness and a little sympathy. “It looks even better than the pictures.” He stood and lifted the garment carefully by its straps, letting the light catch the soft fabric. “Come here,” he said, tone gentle, gesturing at Ravi to stand.
Gender stuff with Mark was still pretty new. Ravi wasn’t always sure how to approach it, especially now that he was living with Mark full time and they weren’t doing the long distance thing anymore. Ravi used he/him, even if he wasn’t he/him most of the time, and only differentiated pronouns when he was definitely not a boy, as opposed to “eh, I guess male is as good as anything else” which was the world he inhabited most of the time. It was definitely a case of the genders that was proving difficult to pin down and figure out.
What if he was just being a fetishistic creep? Instead of actually being femme or a woman? He rubbed his hands over his face, but eventually he stood, thankful for Mark’s patience with him and this whole… thing. Mark knew this wasn’t easy for Ravi.
As Ravi stepped forward, Mark held the slip against him, head tilting as he considered his partner. “Oh yes, very nice. It complements your skin beautifully. Would you like to try it on now?”
Ravi’s fingers caught the edge of the babydoll and rubbed the material. He could put it on right now, but he wanted to… Well, he didn’t quite know if he was ready to be a girl right now, and he wanted to be a girl when he wore it.
“Let’s open the other box tonight. Maybe I’ll feel different about gender tomorrow?” He tried to articulate it as best he could for Mark. Mark liked having all that information so he could better plan scenes and whatever it is that Mark did with all his Ravi Data. “I could wear it tonight, and it’d feel good, I’m sure. But I bought this for me when I’m feeling like a woman and I don’t want to wear it until I’m feeling like that?” He looked up at Mark, hopeful that he’d grasp the slippery thing that was his gender.
Mark was never one to question Ravi’s choices and actions. Asking questions to clarify, sure, but nothing Ravi couldn’t or wouldn’t answer. He understood what he shouldn’t ask. “We’ll save it, then,” he promised. “I can already tell you’re going to be beautiful in it.”
Ravi knew he would, and — ugh it was too much. “Let’s open the other box!” He reached for the package and his keys again, tearing into it because thinking about the babydoll was a lot, and a nice dildo was a much simpler creature than gender.
“How many sex toys did you get?” Mark asked, amused, as he carefully put the babydoll back in its package and set it to the side.
“Just two off our wishlist,” he said as he held up the wickedly curved njoy wand, heavy stainless steel. “For you! Your top pick.” He shoved it into Mark’s hands. “And for both of us, because I know you’ve got notes somewhere about being able to properly control my orgasms.” He held up the box with the chastity device on it, which was decidedly unsexy looking, for all that it was exciting. He looked over at Mark, bouncing on his toes as he watched his lover react.
Mark’s expression when he held the njoy toy was one of absolute delight followed by what might modestly be called his scheming face. Although, Ravi knew he’d been scheming already for weeks since deciding he wanted to bring this toy into their sex lives. Scheming was Mark’s default state, after all. “I do have notes on orgasm control that you’re more than welcome to read over. I’ve added to them since the last time you looked.”
“It’s fine,” Ravi said with a soft laugh and an adoring look on his face. “I don’t need to see your notes, I like being surprised. Let me put away leftovers and then, not that I’d ever presume to tell you what to do, but we do have these lovely toys we could break in?” Ravi gave Mark his very best puppy-dog eyes.
“Hmm,” Mark said, tapping his chin and looking Ravi over with an expression that sent thrills down his spine. “I suppose you have been a good boy lately, haven’t you?” He smiled as he picked up the boxes and strode toward their room. “Take your time cleaning up after supper,” he instructed before disappearing behind the door.
“I’m perfect,” Ravi said to Mark’s back as he walked toward their bedroom. He did not, in fact, take his time with the dishes — those were done in record time — but he was significantly more careful putting away the two cameras he used for filming. He dismantled the frame he’d built out of PVC pipes to hold one camera over the stovetop or his work space, then collapsed the simple tripod used for the other camera. He stowed his equipment at his desk, waited ten minutes, and skidded down the hall.
It was obvious Mark had spent time arranging the bedroom just the way he liked it. There was now a foam wedge on the bed along with a selection of lubes, latex gloves, and the new stainless steel dildo, waiting to be used. He smiled up at Ravi and crooked his finger, inviting him closer. “Did everything get cleaned up?”
Ravi licked his lips as he took in the scene on the bed; it was a moment before he looked at Mark himself. “Dishwasher is running, leftovers put away, camera stored. Check, check, check. You’ve been busy,” he said, glancing back to the bed.
“I’m always busy. Come here,” Mark urged, beckoning again. “Don’t be shy. I don’t bite unless I planned it out first.”
“You and your little kink notebook.” But Ravi didn’t mind that little notebook because that little notebook was responsible for sex so stunningly delicious that he couldn’t care less how meticulous Mark was planning things in advance. He stepped toward Mark, his skin already buzzing with anticipation.
“You love me for my little notebook.” A small smirk played on his lips. He reached out as soon as Ravi was close enough and tugged him in. Mark had this ability to seem perfectly in control of every situation no matter what and it was intoxicating. Sitting prone on the bed with Ravi standing above him had the same natural dominance as would taking Ravi over his lap and spanking him until he cried. And Ravi deeply appreciated that talent.
As Ravi stood between Mark’s thighs, Mark pulled Ravi’s hand toward his lips and kissed his knuckles, one at a time. Pink lips against warm russet skin, Mark’s own skin only a few shades lighter than Ravi’s.
“I love you, just because I love you,” Ravi corrected as he watched Mark kiss his knuckles, breath catching in his throat as his heart stuttered a few beats.
“You know what I think?” Mark asked, curling Ravi’s fingers back down against his palm, pressing his hands around his and holding him there, just with that little point of contact. “I think it’s high time you were naked, Ravinder.”
He shuddered at the use of his full name. Beyond the playful Dr. Boyfriend, which had sprung up first to protect Mark’s identity on Ravi’s YouTube channel, they had no use for nicknames or titles between the two of them. Neither had ever really felt comfortable with terms like Sir or Master. They’d be superfluous, anyway, when Ravi so keenly felt Mark’s control, and so willingly gave his surrender. So they were just Mark and Ravi. Or Ravinder, when Mark meant business. There’d never be any need for titles between them, not when they fitted so seamlessly together that sometimes they couldn’t tell where Mark’s will ended and where Ravi’s surrender began.
Ravi took a deep breath and tugged at his hand, not pulling away, but silently asking permission to step back and undress. Mark let go of Ravi’s hand and nodded once.
Ravi wasn’t one, on his own, to do anything but toss his clothing on the floor. But with Mark, he took the time to drop clothes in the laundry baskets, presorted, because he knew Mark would appreciate that little detail. Once he was naked he walked back over to Mark and sank down to his knees on the soft cushion kept in the bedroom, gently worn from its frequent use.
He held still as Mark reached to tilt his head up just a centimeter, smiling indulgently at him, touching Ravi and moving him as he saw fit. The possessive touch made Ravi shudder. “There is the matter of the chastity device,” Mark said, voice calm but tinged with something wicked. “You can put it on yourself, but would you do it right?”
Chin still in Mark’s hand, Ravi took a deep breath and folded his arms behind his back. “I’ll fumble it,” he answered, and his honesty was rewarded with a pleased smile before Mark knelt and got to work. This chastity device was a transparent cage and locking mechanism that would keep Ravi’s body from becoming fully erect. It was snug and surprisingly heavy for a few pieces of plastic. It took a great deal of effort for Ravi’s focus not to narrow down to the sensation of being caught and held in such a firm grip. To know there was nothing he could do to orgasm or even touch himself with the device locked on.
“How does it feel? Is the fit right?”
Ravi shifted and whimpered, a soft not quite sound. His heart worked its way into his throat and he choked out, “Oh. Oh.” That’s all he managed to say for several breaths. “Ah… snug? Good? Snug? Green?” he added, just In case Mark through his long pause and high voice meant something bad.
“Good.” Mark’s hand curled around the inside of his thigh before his fingers wandered down to Ravi’s balls, cupping and massaging gently. Mark’s voice, though pitched a bit lower, was as calm as ever. It was infuriating how in control Mark was at all times, infuriating and thrilling. Ravi wouldn’t change it for the world. “If you’re very good, exceptionally good for me tonight, I’ll let you come when I’m done with you. Do you understand?”
“Uh-huh. I mean yes.” The heart in his throat problem wasn’t going away anytime soon, it seemed. “I’ll do my best?” Vocal fry and all. Still, it was worth it for the smile Mark gave him.
“Lay face down on the bed. Get comfortable because you’re going to be there a long while.” That’s what the wedge and the surplus of pillows was for, after all. That and to give Ravi something to grab or bite onto as needed, and he had a feeling that would be necessary as he eyed the toy and felt the plastic of it bite into his body. It took a long, painful moment, before Ravi pushed off his knees and slithered onto the bed to drape himself over the wedge. Which was wonderful and awful in how it thrust his very cute and very pert ass into the air for Mark’s viewing pleasure. Honestly, the wedge was one of the best investments they’d ever made.
There were scenes where Mark was deliberate and reserved with his touches, but tonight his hands were all over Ravi’s body, skimming down his spine, pressing into the small of his back, trailing down his ass. Every touch breathed of possession, of loving but incredibly firm ownership. It was so, so easy for Ravi to let himself lose focus of the space around the two of them. To let the moment just be, with Mark’s hands roving over his body. Of there being no other space but the space between them; how the world contracted to being just the two of them in this room, on this bed. Everything was simple. Everything made sense.
Mark leaned down to trail soft lips across the small of Ravi’s back, following the same path as his fingers only a moment before. With each kiss the world dropped away, random thoughts of editing and future filming leaving Ravi’s mind as he closed his eyes and arched into the touches. He relaxed against the pile of pillows and the wedge that kept his thighs splayed open as Mark’s touch dipped even lower.
Mark wasn’t exactly the kind of person to tease as part of foreplay. Because, as he’d once explained to Ravi, teasing implied there was something more the dominant partner was withholding. He wasn’t withholding anything and only gave exactly as much as he intended. The fact that it made Ravi float away in bliss, well. Ravi was sure that was just a pleasant side effect.
Ravi was quiet other than soft sighs. He didn’t need to talk, but wasn’t yet ready to beg. He just floated, allowing Mark to coax his body into a haze of pleasure, aching with denial. Mark’s tongue darted out, slow and sweet against Ravi’s skin.
In that moment, Ravi slipped into subspace, where he was just Mark’s. His, without any exceptions. Mark held him together, kept his focus, but Ravi didn’t need to be or do anything but be in the moment, to float.
Mark kissed along the curve of his spine, tongue flicking between his shoulders before finding a place at the base of his neck. Ravi let his head drop onto the pillows and he arched under Mark, wanting more contact, craving it now that his skin was buzzing from the wake of Mark’s fingers and lips. “Mark…”
But Mark wielded denial like he would any other weapon. When he did finally touch Ravi, properly touch him, his hand grabbed the back of his hair and he kissed the side of neck, hard enough to make him gasp. “Oh fuck, yes. Fuck.”
Ravi could feel Mark’s smile against his skin before the hard kiss turned into a sharper love bite where neck and shoulder met. Ravi tilted his head against the tight grip in his hair, giving Mark more of his throat. It was a curious sensation, the denial making his entire body throb in need, his whimpers growing more guttural. Mark didn’t ease up, and his hand slid down Ravi’s back, nails pressing into skin this time.
He cried out now and tried to arch, but the wedge and the pressure of Mark’s body kept him pinned down, gloriously trapped. For a moment he tried to struggle, not out of fear, but from his body overwhelmed by need and sensation.
“Be good for me,” Mark whispered against his ear, the heel of his hand digging into the small of his back.
Those words caught in Ravi’s head and the struggle stopped, until he was still again under Mark’s hands. “Trying. I will. I will.”
“I know you will,” Mark told him, without a hint of doubt in his voice. He kissed down Ravi’s spine, nipping as he went, marking every vertebrae. He paused, somewhere between the small of Ravi’s back and the cleft of his ass, lips and teeth against skin. His hands clutched at the bed and he forced himself into stillness as the arousal and pressure from the chastity device built into something bright and sharp.
“I’m going to open you up,” Mark murmured. His kisses now feather light, a stark contrast to the chastity device and the soft promise of torture in his voice. “I’m going to open you up and see if you’re ready to take our new toy. If you’re not, I’m going to keep kissing and stroking you until you are.”
There was a small gasp from Ravi before he was able to answer. “Oh no, I mean, yes. Please. But oh no, you’re going to kill me,” Ravi clarified, his breath coming a little faster between words.
Suddenly there was no contact or weight on Ravi at all. Mark had withdrawn to the bedside table. Then the unmistakable sounds of latex snapping over a wrist and the top of a bottle popping open. Mark took his time and Ravi struggled to keep himself motionless. Still. He had to be still and good. Even though he knew Mark was going to utterly destroy him. It took every ounce of will to hold his thighs spread and ready for Mark.
Mark’s gloved hand glided over Ravi’s ass, almost clinical, inspecting for a few long moments before it disappeared and returned again, this time with a shock of cold lube along the fingers. Mark didn’t wait to warm it first before letting a finger press against Ravi’s entrance, still teasing with antagonizing slowless. Ravi bit back the words you bastard on a sharp intake of air. He didn’t want the torment to go slower than it already was.
Ravi took the first finger with ease, but Mark kept an agonizingly slow pace. The foam wedge aligned Ravi’s hips just so and Ravi splayed out under Mark’s touches, suffering.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, Mark. Mark.” Mark’s fingers on their own were fine, but the cage… Ravi liked delay, liked staying soft as long as possible, but to be forced into that state was a whole other creature. Mark’s only response was a soft hum, as though acknowledging that Ravi did, in fact, still exist, but nothing more.
Ravi made a choked yelp as Mark kept teasing him, in, out, in, crook his finger, pause. Start the cycle over again. And again, until a second finger nudged into him. Ravi was ready, eager, hot, and aching for more. “Please,” he gasped as Mark fucked him. “Please?”
Mark had no response, the jerk; his fingers moving inside him, brushing against Ravi’s prostate.
Ravi’s face pressed against the pillow, muffling the sounds Mark coaxed out with his entirely too talented fingers. No, that wasn’t true — they could never be too talented. Still, Ravi was practically crying as Mark kept touching him. And he did cry in earnest when Mark finally granted him mercy. Mark’s fingers withdrew and Ravi had just enough time to brace himself before the slick, cold wand pressed against his ass. The lightest pressure was enough for Ravi to feel the difference between Mark’s fingers and the toy.
Ravi’s voice broke on a sob and he tore at the sheets in anticipation. The toy slid in slowly, impossibly smooth and frictionless, but hefty, solid. There was no yielding, the metal unforgiving. Ravi simply had to take what he was given.
Now he finally thrashed, body filled with too much sensation to contain himself or his reaction. He wailed as Mark fucked him, relentless and steady, the ruthless toy and pace pushing Ravi out of his mind entirely. There was no relief, nothing but a deep pulse of desire echoing through his body. Ravi’s cheeks were wet with tears of frustration.
“There’s my good Ravi.” Mark’s voice was as controlled as his thrusts, though just an edge of heat crept into his sedate tone. “Take it. Take all of me. Let me in.”
There was no ‘letting’ at this point; Mark took and Ravi was helpless and unwilling to stop him, but that was fine, that was more than fine, it was perfect. Ravi was gone, flying on sensation overload as Mark pushed him higher and higher to a crest he’d never have reached without the cage that prevented him from coming. Mark just adjusted the angle of the toy and barely sped up the pace, whispering soft nothings to Ravi.
Ravi couldn’t say how much time had or hadn’t passed. He’d lost his ability to hold still now, his body wracked with shudders as he cried for Mark, as the pressure built to what would have been a tipping point. Until Ravi felt a hot, slick spill of come between his thighs but no release.
His voice broke. “Mark! Mark. Mark?” It wasn’t panic but confusion and delirium, delicious suffering, The pressure eased without any of the normal pleasure of a climax.
Mark hissed slowly between his teeth. He leaned to kiss Ravi’s ear and whispered, “You came all over the wedge, Ravi.” The toy slowed and stilled as Mark reached to wipe tears from Ravi’s face with his clean hand.
Ravi could feel Mark’s erection pressed against him, but he couldn’t process anything beyond bewilderment and desire twisting around in his stomach. Ravi pressed into Mark’s touch, desperately seeking reassurance. “But. But. But.” Words weren’t something Ravi could access and it took a long moment before he gathered enough focus to speak. “I didn’t? I didn’t?”
“You ejaculated without having an orgasm,” Mark explained, patient and quiet. “I’m going to take the toy out now. Breathe deep and relax for me.”.
“Ngh…” There was a high whine and another full body shudder as Mark eased out the toy, tender and careful. Ravi shimmied off the wedge and stared, wild-eyed as he reached for Mark.Ravi’s eyes and cheeks were still wet with tears, his hair flattened where it’d been pressed into the pillow.
Mark had just enough time toss the used glove into the trash before Ravi pulled him back onto the bed. The wedge was unceremoniously displaced to the bedroom floor and Mark curled close against Ravi, still fully clothed.
The newness of whatever it was that just happened, made Ravi small and vulnerable. He tucked himself up against Mark’s side and clung to him, still whimpering. “‘m a mess,” he mumbled into Mark’s shoulder. A few minutes or seconds later, Ravi didn’t know, he added, “You’re hard.” But he didn’t reach for Mark without permission. “Do you want?”
Mark cradled Ravi and petted him, soft, encouraging, to help him through the vulnerable gap at the end of a scene and coming out of subspace. “I wanted you to be a mess.” Lips still against his ear. “No, I already got what I wanted. You were glorious for me, Ravi.”
“Oh…kay,” Ravi agreed, unsurprised. Mark really was all about control, which was more powerful and heady for him than an orgasm could be. Anyway, Ravi always took Mark at his word. “Love.” It was a declaration and a demand all at once as he tilted his head up to look at Mark.
“Love,” Mark agreed, holding Ravi close, rubbing every inch of skin he could as though to make up for all the denial and teasing earlier.
“Kiss me.” Ravi demanded as he came back to himself.
Mark didn’t hesitate before kissing Ravi’s lips, deep and firm but with his mouth closed. As if he wanted to reassure, not work back up. “How do you feel?” he asked, lips not quite touching Ravi’s now as he talked.
“Mmhm?” When the kiss broke, Ravi felt more settled and aware of the mess between his thighs. “Messy?” He grinned a little at Mark. “Good. Warm, floaty,” he continued, giving Mark a proper answer. “Liked not getting hard.”
“I liked it too,” Mark said with a smug grin . He stroked a hand down the line of Ravi’s body, shoulder to hip, a fond touch. “I liked having that much control over you. We’ll definitely be using this again.”
“Five star review?” Ravi arched up into the touch, lazy and surprisingly sated. Mark just laughed and reached to remove the device, setting it aside before cleaning Ravi up and tucking in for a quiet evening curled up next to one another.
Because life was life and gender was a confusing, stupid maze of things Ravi didn’t understand, the babydoll package was left alone for the remainder of the weekend. Well, not alone, because it got put away because it was in Mark’s space and Mark needed things to be in their proper places. They did, however, use the chastity device again and Mark fucked Ravi into oblivion once more, this time with his own cock.
On Sunday, Mark and Ravi graded final projects for Mark’s summer Introduction to Diné course, which had been Ravi’s idea of having the students translate memes into Diné. Mark translated them for Ravi, and Ravi in turn made sure the meme was true in spirit. Between the old school LOLcats, one truly inspiring, rage comic about microaggressions, and an “oh worm” meme that Ravi couldn’t even explain to Mark, they spent most of the day laughing so hard they cried,
Monday dawned and Mark and Ravi, both early risers, went through their daily rituals. Mark ran, Ravi baked bread, made breakfast and packed lunch for Mark, and they both went off to their respective days. Mark to campus and Ravi to the desk in the den. Tuesday was the same, mostly. Ravi was a bit short and snappish with Mark in the evening, which was unusual; Ravi and Mark typically existed in a quiet harmony with one another. It ended up with them spending time in different rooms in the house. Ravi watched videos in the den to try and chill out and figure out what was going on with his mood.
Nothing got worked out, or worked on, though. Ravi was no closer to figuring out what was going on at the end of the day. Wednesday morning found Ravi in a full-blown mood. Itchy and as irritable as ever. Ravi started the morning with a safeword, tapping out of the morning rituals of serving breakfast and getting dressed by Mark.
“Are you okay?” Mark asked, pressing his forehead against Ravi’s
“Just having a mood, I think. I’m behind on video editing and I don’t have a buffer for our blog. It’s all income lost if I don’t post on a regular schedule. I’m not feeling inspired.”
“We won’t be hurting if your income dips next month, Ravi. If you need to take a few days off and rest, take a few days off and rest.” Mark kissed Ravi on the lips and tucked him back into bed. “At least take a long morning, I’ll make my own breakfast and text you at lunch.”
“Well, if you insist. I suppose I can lay in bed all morning.” Ravi summoned a smile and squeezed Mark’s hand. Once he’d left, Ravi nestled back down into the bed, but only managed about an hour of fitful rest before they dragged themselves out to shower and dress.
Mark texted around noon. How’s my grumpy Ravi feeling? Ravi stared at the phone, Mark’s address them just by name and nothing else, and ran right into the brick wall that was gender feelings. The pieces started to slot together and Ravi face planted into her desk.
hey it’s she/her pronouns today, i think, she texted back, a non sequitur. i think that’s why i snapped at you last night, i’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so snappish. i’m just dense and didn’t realize.
Mark’s response was instantaneous. You don’t have to apologize for dysphoria, Ravi. Ever. But thank you for apologizing for being snappy.
Thankfully, for all that what they had what might easily be classified as a 24/7 relationship, Mark wasn’t ever the type of person to get bent out of shape when it came to protocol (all made up, anyway) or displays of “disrespect”. Neither one of them were particularly sure that kind of relationship could ever be successful in the long term. Yet, Mark never truly let go his hold over Ravi, and Ravi never tried to unyoke from said hold; Mark continued, as always, to do things his way. If Ravi was moody, there was a good reason for it and Mark would let Ravi work it out unless Mark felt that he needed to step in.
So, problem sorted, a solution wasn’t far from hand. While nothing she was currently wearing was super-gendered one way or another, as Ravi waited for Mark to text back she wandered into their bedroom. There she swapped out her skinny jeans and t-shirt for something deliberately more feminine, hoping to soothe the itchy dysphoria nerves with a soft salwar kameez suit of vibrant blues and greens. The kameez was loose and sewn to flair at Ravi’s hips, giving an illusion of shape. It was an outfit her nani had made for Ravi while visiting home in Uttar Pradesh.
Ravi draped a complementary sheer blue dupatta over her hair and wrapped the ends around her shoulders. It did help, as clothing had always been such a big sap to feelings of not quite rightness that came and went. Standing in front of the mirror, she snapped a picture and texted that to Mark.
Mark replied with a rare unasked-for selfie, a warm smile on his face, sunglasses pushed up on his head. He was on campus at the moment, resting between classes in the courtyard. Looking very handsome. Ravi set the picture as her new lock screen. You look beautiful, Ravi.
i’m going to go back to editing and hopefully i can start to feel better.
can you bring home chicken nuggets for supper :clasped hand emoji:
Are you asking me, someone who knows how to cook very well, to bring you, someone who also knows how to cook very well, fast food to our home, to eat? Ravi could feel the incredulous look Mark was no doubt giving the phone over the text.
plz. i am vvvv cute and good and deserve nugs. and a milkshake
Mark texted back a string of emojis that may or may not have contributed to the conversation. It was hard to tell with Mark. Ravi was pretty sure it meant yes, anyway.
Some time later, after Mark had returned home with a bag of greasy fast food and a milkshake container the size of Ravi’s head, he rubbed Ravi’s legs in his lap while she ate with gusto. “Have a good day?” he asked, watching her with a smile.
“Better, once I figured out my deal. Gender is stupid and fired. Into the sun.” Sometimes it was easy, she’d wake up and just know. Sometimes she could gently nudge herself from one binary to the other. Or a flip would switch and she’d just get it, but other times it was like a fucking eel, too slippery and elusive to catch, a little dangerous, too.
“Are you still doing the private video diaries about gender? I enjoyed watching those with you.” Mark rubbed at her calves, and Ravi stretched them out in his lap, like an overgrown cat as Mark worked away some of the stress that had knotted up under the surface.
She stuffed the remaining nugget into her mouth to give her time to think about an answer. “I haven’t done one in a while. Maybe soon? Especially with the, you know, new clothes. I’ve got some stuff to process there. I’m still a little afraid that I’m fetishizing something by wanting to wear lingerie.”
“If you were having dysphoria because I wasn’t gendering you correctly and you weren’t able to feel comfortable until I fixed that and you wore the right clothes,” Mark said gently, “I don’t think wearing lingerie is a problem at all. Ravi, you’re a woman, and you’re fine. I promise.” He reached out and touched her hand, gathering it between his. “Do you remember telling me you weren’t sure whether to come out to your family as gay or a girl? You can be both, what do you say? All the things? You can be all the things.”
“Hard to forget that confession,” Ravi said with a wry little smile twisting her lips. She still hadn’t come out as either, just showed up with Mark and introduced him as her boyfriend. Her nani had assumed the gender stuff on her own, but thankfully hadn’t ever said anything to Ravi. “And you’re right, I am a woman. I can’t fetishize something I am. I can be whatever I am.”
“If I ordered you not to worry about the lingerie and just enjoy it, do you think that would work?” Mark asked, teasing Ravi. He leaned over and kissed the back of her hand, lips brushing her knuckles.
“You could try,” she said, a bubbling laugh escaping at the idea of it being something that could be ordered. “You could try, but I doubt it would work.”
“Then I order you not to worry,” he said with mock seriousness, looking at her with fondness in his eyes. “Just enjoy pretty things that make you happy and keep being a good girl for me.”
The correctly gendered praise felt like a soft caress and she gave Mark one of her megawatt smiles “I can do that last bit,” she agreed. Ravi lifted Mark’s hands to her lips and kissed his knuckles. “I’ll start with enjoying you, you’re quite pretty.”
The Saturday after was a day full of joyous baking, Ravi relaxed now that she’d gendered herself correctly. Mark had suggested they make the homemade Pop-Tarts that had earned Ravi’s spot on America’s Got Cookies. Time consuming and fiddly creatures that they were, they were also Ravi’s favorite. It had been a very good day already when Mark stood up from the sofa and kissed Ravi on the forehead.
“Stay,” he said in a gentle order as he left the room.
Ravi stayed, wondering what the hell Mark had planned for her tonight. Something he’d dreamed up and written in the notebook, perhaps. Whatever it was, she trusted it to be amazing. And she certainly wasn’t wrong when Mark came back to take her hand, tugging her down the hall toward their bedroom.
The scene set up caught her breath. Candles, a bouquet of flowers on the end table — gorgeous yellow flowers called amapolas del campo that thrived around their home this time of year — and lowered lights. Mark had spread the babydoll out on the bed with its matching panties. The two of them had spent a fair amount of time fussing over customizable options before finding something perfect: dusky rose colored satin cut just so to flare over her hips, a sweetheart neckline, and cap sleeves made of cream lace. Mark had encouraged Ravi to pick out whatever style and cut she’d wanted, supportive, excited by the notion without making Ravi ever feel objectified.
“Would you like to wear this tonight?” Mark asked, one hand over Ravi’s as they stood at the entrance to the bedroom. The way Mark asked, Ravi knew there was no pressure to say yes or no. Mark always prepared for as many eventualities as reasonable.
“Why, Dr. Klah, I’d say you’re trying to seduce me,” Ravi said as she looked at the candles and the flowers.
“Trying?” he asked with a quirk of his lips. “Maybe I’ll succeed before the night is done.”
Mark wasn’t often so romantic, but she always needed a slightly softer touch than when she was a he. This, however, was far softer than she’d ever expected. It felt like Mark was saying, “I see you. I see you and I see you’ve been struggling.” Ravi lifted her hand to her chest, pressing over her heart as it raced. Touched as she was, she held the question in her mind for a moment, letting it roll over so she could feel the shape and weight of it and see if it was something she was ready to do. Mark gave her all the time in the world to answer.
“Yeah. Yeah, please.” It would feel good, to feel extra pretty during sex.
He held the babydoll up to her, admiring. The pink satin popped against Ravi’s warm, dark brown skin. Even with her clothes still on, it was easy to see see how the fabric would drape across her body. Mark’s voice lowered. “I’ve been thinking of this every night since we started talking about the order. How beautiful it would be, how much it would suit you.”
“Flatterer,” Ravi said, reaching out to finger the fabric like she had the first night they’d unboxed it. “Should I undress?” There was a hint of shyness in her voice.
“Would you allow me?”
Ravi drew in a slow breath and nodded. “Yeah, yes. You don’t have to ask now, I don’t think.”
Mark’s response was to lean in and kiss her forehead, such a tender, sweet gesture. Then he laid the babydoll on the bed again and reached back for Ravi. He was careful as he undressed her; not slow, just careful. He hung up her salwar kameez before wrinkles could even think of threatening the fabric. And then his fingers hooked into the waistband of her cotton underwear, teasing it slowly over her hips.
Ravi moved when he needed her to, silent but for the soft sound of her breath. She was already thoroughly seduced by the time he teased her underwear down skinny hips. “I should have you do this more often,” she said, even as her breath hitched.
“I think we could negotiate that,” he murmured, tossing the underwear to the hamper before reaching out and touching her bare hips, just a moment.
Ravi swayed toward Mark, a moth to a flame, needing him so much already. “Thank you,” she said, not in response to his words but his actions. The unspoken moment of gratitude and love for her Mark offered in this very moment. For the acceptance he’d so readily given since that first whispered disclosure.
Mark only smiled, dipping his head for a moment to kiss her, lips meeting Ravi’s in a slow slide that was heated without being overwhelming. It was over too soon for Ravi before Mark turned to pick up the satin underwear. He dropped to his knees, prompting a surprised sound from Ravi, and tenderly urged her to step into the panties, sliding them over her hips, fingers wandering to feel how they sat across her body.
“You look good on your knees,” she teased before she reached down and gingerly adjusted herself, because that at least wasn’t something Mark could do for her.
“I suppose this isn’t an angle you’re used to,” he said, glancing up at her with a sly grin.
Her answer to Mark was cut off by surprise as she pulled her hand away from her adjustments. “Oh!” The little sound of delight couldn’t be held back as the custom design fit her body without any weird fabric quirks. “Oh my god, I need five more of these.”
“It fits well?” Mark’s grin just grew wider at Ravi’s obvious delight. “Arms over your head,” he ordered before helping her slip into the garment. It was exactly as they’d both imagined, only better. The fabric cascaded around her waist and hips, fitting to her body just so before it flared out.
“Like it was made for me.” Ravi winked at Mark, although her face was hot from pleasure. “All right, I’m ready to be seduced.” She struck a pose, all bravado and giddy excitement.
It was so good to be like this, laughing and ready to go. Comfortable in her own skin. Ravi looked to Mark and saw that same excitement reflected in his eyes as he stepped in close. Mark’s hands ghosted up her bare arms, goosebumps breaking out in the wake, mouth just at her lips. “Are you?” he asked.
“Uh huh.” Ravi swayed again, leaning toward Mark, already wanting more.
Mark moved to sit on the edge of the bed and tugged Ravi down to fill his lap. They fit together like puzzle pieces. Ravi wrapped her arms around Mark’s shoulders and his arms came around her waist, holding her steady. And then he was kissing her, claiming her mouth with his own. Submissive as Ravi was, she wasn’t a passive kisser. She kissed him back, hungry for everything or anything Mark had to give her tonight, greedy for him.
Mark gave himself to her in return, the kiss growing more heated, a little sharper. One of Mark’s hands snaked under the skirt of her babydoll and grasped the side of her thigh, fingers just brushing satin. The other arm stayed firmly wrapped around her middle, keeping her securely in place.
Ravi giggled and gasped as his fingers found the edge of her underwear; she tried to splay her thighs, but there was no way to do that without half falling off Mark’s lap. “Tickles,” she whispered into his mouth.
“You didn’t list tickle torture as a limit.” Though it was clear he was joking. Mark didn’t just drop things like that into a scene without checking. His fingers skimmed upward, no longer tickling, over the front of the silk between her thighs, trailing lower with a touch that made Ravi shudder.
Ravi caught Mark’s wrist, tugging it away. “Not yet.” There was a short pause as she sought the edges of her limits and her body for the night. “Later, yes, once you take them off again.”
Mark’s hand fell away, retreating to a much safer point on her knee. “All right,” he agreed. “While we’re talking, have your limits changed? Is there anything I should know about before I continue ravishing you?”
“I just don’t want to come all over them and try and figure out how get that stain out in the wash.” Her voice was light, laughing still, pleased at how quickly Mark reacted for her. “Nothing’s changed, I just don’t want you to fondle me through the satin. Well, let me clarify, fondle me through the babydoll all you want, just not the underwear… unless it’s my ass. You can absolutely fondle my ass. Just don’t touch my junk yet.” Ravi winked at Mark and then soothed her face into something approaching serious. “I trust you.”
“Thank you,” Mark said, a serious expression in return. There was another short pause between them. “But just for the record, I’ve been testing how to get stains out of satin since we placed the order and I’ve got several contingency plans to keep your things looking nice.”
“You’re the most organized man I’ve ever met. You’re terrifying. Ravish me,” Ravi said as she shifted in Mark’s arms to flop back down against the bed, using momentum to break his grip on her, a calculated test of his control.
A test that he met easily. Mark didn’t even falter as he made quick, minute adjustments as he followed after, pinning her to the mattress. “You aren’t very subtle,” he said, but instead of giving her a chance to respond, he just kissed her. Which was fine, Ravi didn’t need to be subtle, and she’d got what she wanted anyway. She yielded to the kiss now that Mark had her pinned, lips parting in offering to him.
Mark took what she was offering, mouth parting against hers, hands tangling in her hair as they tasted one another. Mark pressed, though didn’t rock, his hips against Ravi’s. She was surprised that he was already hard, but thrilled to feel the press of his erection into her thigh, the knowledge of his desire coaxing her own forward. She didn’t reach for him, but stretched her arms out over her head in the very picture of willing submission.
The kiss broke with a slow drag of his teeth over her lips and she gasped. “What do you have planned? Please tell me.” She allowed a pleading note to creep into her voice, not for show.
“That would ruin the surprise.” His words were soft as his lips found the curve of her neck, kissing her in ways designed to make her dizzy with desire.
“Ah–” Her words were cut off by the bite of teeth against her throat. Her palms turned and clutched the sheets. After countless minutes making them both breathless, stealing Ravi’s words from her, Mark’s hands slid underneath the hem of her babydoll, moving up against bare skin. He made a satisfied sound, fingers digging into her hips, just enough to ache in all the right ways.
At least Ravi didn’t need Mark’s words to know how much he wanted her. “Oh god, Mark, more? Surprise me,” she said, giggling ever so slightly. “Just more, please.”
Mark’s fingers found her nipples and squeezed, slowly at first, just a steady gaining pressure before letting go. “More like that?” he asked, voice seeming to reverberate in her chest. She knew his coaxing, knew he wanted to hear more of her voice, more of her pleading.
“Yes!” Her back arched off the bed under that pinch and the slow building heat of pain. “Yes, oh god that hurts so good.”
“Good. Good girl.” For the first time that night his voice sounded strained, like he had to control himself. He squeezed again, sharper this time, and let his hips rock against hers.
Ravi’s eyes closed against the starburst of pain and she cried out when he started to rock into her body. Her hips met his, desperate for him already. “Fuck. Fuck, that’s. Oh god. Good.” Mark, particularly in the bedroom like this, was always so much, so big. Overwhelming her and pushing her into a blissed out creature of need. He was a lot, but she was enough to accept all of him in her submission and it was an even exchange, in the end.
It took a moment for Mark to move away from the heat of her body, like he had to weigh if it was worth it or not, but finally he sat back on his heels and said only, “Undress me.”
Ravi pounced, deft hands tugging the shirt off Mark before dragging her fingers down his chest and stomach. “Ngh, you’re so fucking…” Fingers hook in the waist of his shorts, tugging them down to free his erection, delighted at his lack of underwear. Ravi licked her lips as her eyes lingered on his cock. “Delicious. You’re so fucking beautiful.”
Mark was flushed all over, cock dark and ready for Ravi. He wet his lips and reached for lube on the bedside table. “Stretch yourself,” he said as he passed her the bottle. “You’re going to ride me.”
Ravi made a choked, needy little sound as she took the bottle from his hand. She wiggled out of the snug fitting underwear and tossed them aside. She spilt a bit too much lube and shifted to finger her ass, pushing herself far faster than Mark would have. She hissed and her eyes closed, little whimpers echoing in the room as she fucked herself.
“Easy, easy,” Mark chided, reaching out to still her hand. “Careful, easy. I’m not hurting you tonight.”
“Want you inside me,” she protested as he caught her wrist.
“Then do it right,” he insisted. Ravi whined, but she slowed when he released her wrist. Moving careful, almost exaggeratedly slow to try and satisfy him. And finally, finally, he reached for her and brought her close. He settled back against the pillows, cock at attention and eager. “Ready?” he asked, licking his lips.
“Uh-huh.” She darted forward and kissed him on the mouth as she straddled him. She reached for his cock, stroking from base to tip with slick fingers and back down half way so she could start to lower herself on him. “Oh fuck. Oh my fuck…” Then, she was thankful that he’d made her slow down.
“That’s it,” he whispered, both hands on her hips to steady her. “That’s it, Ravi, there’s my girl. Open up for me.”
This wasn’t the flying rush of subspace like the scenes they’d had last week, but that didn’t make it any less perfect as her body took Mark’s cock, stretched and aching for him. “Talk to me,” she begged, free hand curling tight around his shoulder.
“Always,” he promised, fingers digging into her hips. “You’re perfect. You’re so good around me, taking me so well. Proud of you.” He shifted, a minor adjustment to their angle, and he suddenly hissed through his teeth.
As Mark hissed, Ravi cried out. Her head bowed as she took him fully, both hands clinging now, shaking hard. It took a few stunned moments before she was able to lift her head and meet his eyes. “Mark…”
He reached to touch her chin, tilting it ever so slightly, drawing a high sound from her lips. “Ride me,” he whispered, and there was no mistaking the command.
“Yes, yes.” It wasn’t quite enough time to adjust but it didn’t hurt as she rose up on her knees, fireworks going off inside her head as she moved over his cock.
Words began to get trickier and there was a back and forth between them that maybe didn’t make sense. “Oh fuck, please, yes.” The satin against Ravi’s skin felt warm, and soft, caught between their bodies. Mark, showing cracks in his control, thrust up hard into her as she lowered herself, one firm hand hand wandering up a smooth thigh.
After the shockwaves of that thrust cleared, Ravi maged to find words through the whimpers. “If you touch me I might come.”
“Do you want to come right now?” he murmured, hand inching closer to her arousal. “All over my hand?
Ravi bit down on her lip and nodded. “Mhm. Um. yes, oh god, but when you’re close. When you’re close?”
“Close,” he assured her, his own moans and needy little sounds verifying his words. Mark reached and cupped her in his hand between the two of them, fingers curling around the head of her arousal and stroking the underside. It was a little sloppy, pressed between them as it was, but it was also utterly perfect. “Feel so good in my hand. That’s it, I know you like it when I touch you like that.”
Ravi’s hands slapped down against Mark’s shoulders and it was a fight not to just come right there. “Please. Please. Oh god, Mark. Please!”
Mark knew at this point how to tease Ravi, how to torture her by drawing out the pleasure until she could die. He also knew when to make her come so fast her head spun. His fingers were sure against her body as he met her thrusts with sharp ones of his own, cock driving hard and deep.
“You’re such a good girl, so good for me,” he whispered. It wasn’t permission, but it wasn’t denial either. Ravi came on a sob, crying out as she spilled into Mark’s hands, body tight around his cock as blunt nails scored his shoulders. It didn’t take long for Mark to follow, bucking up one last time with a cry of his own as he let go deep in her body.
Somehow, they stopped moving, their bodies coming to a standstill as Ravi’s knees buckled and she pitched forward into him, both of them a mess of slick and come and sweat. Ravi was too limp to move, though, and just leaned against Mark. Somewhere in her head she worried that maybe she came on the satin, but also she didn’t really care anymore. Instead she pushed at Mark’s shoulders so she could collapse in a heap on his chest. They’d have to clean up very soon, but this time was for basking. She could hear his heart race, feel her own pulsing through her body, and was quiet as they both started to come back to something approaching normal.
Finally, Mark reached down to cup her face and whispered, voice hoarse, “You were so good for me.” But he’d fucked all the words out of her head so she just nodded, mouth working to make some kind of affirmative noise. “Don’t move.” Mark nudged her off his chest and she sprawled on her stomach in a Ravi shaped puddle, no intent to move at all.
Mark was gone only for a few minutes before he returned with a warm, wet washcloth to clean her. Only once he’d taken care of her did he curl up beside her, hiding a yawn.
It was early, but Ravi nestled back against Mark, still silk clad. She paused, and then wiggled away from his side and shrugged out of the babydoll, smiling as she tossed it with the discarded underwear to be the problem of tomorrow’s Ravi. She felt good, boneless and sated as she pulled a thin blanket over them. That had been… everything she’d wanted, she hadn’t felt objectified or felt the creeping fear of doing gender wrong, just loved and ravenous for what was between the two of them.
Eventually, her words came back. “I love you,” was the first thing out of her mouth.
“I love you too,” he murmured, smiling at her from where he was already making a nest of pillows. Ravi tucked herself back against his chest and Mark pulled her close, nose pressed against the crown of her head. At some point they drifted off to an early sleep, to the sound of one another’s breath.
“Sometimes my gender feels like this ravenous thing,” Ravi said, not into the camera, but into the mirror as they carefully applied a contour to their jaw. “The dysphoria wants me to feed it something but nothing I make is good enough. I’m not used to making things that aren’t good enough, let’s be real here.” They paused to blend with a sponge before they glanced over to their camera, holding the gaze of some unknown future viewer. And Mark, too. They weren’t sure yet if they were going to share this video or keep it all to themselves.
“And sometimes it’s not dysphoria that makes my gender hungry as much as… I’m hungry. I want to taste everything new to me that I’ve not explored. There is this whole buffet of things I’ve never had, and suddenly I’m allowed to try them. Or have given myself permission to try them is maybe a better way to put it.”
Ravi smiled, eyes darting away and then back again. “I don’t even know if that makes sense, but food is my life, so those are the best terms I can describe things with. So, at least in the latter case of my ravenous gender, I’m going to stop judging myself for what I take, the ‘food’ I put on my plate.” They made little bunny ears when they said the word food. “And I’m just going to let myself be ravenous.”